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COPYRIGHT DEPOSm 






Blinded by Love 

A Romance of Life 


BY 


F. W. WICKER 



SAULSBURY PUBLISHING COMPANY 

BALTIMORE, MD. 



Copyright, 1919, 
By F. W. Wicker 


iith ,'aiy 


J. F. TAPLEY CO. 
NSW YORK 


©C1.A530697 
'Ivo-I . 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


A ROMANCE OF LIFE 

One day in October the heavens were clouded all 
day long as if it were going to rain, but toward noon 
the clouds disappeared slowly one by one and the 
sun shone again. Through the wild grape vines, 
which were shedding their leaves, came a bright path- 
way of light and warmth on the veranda of Arthur 
Mackwell, minister in the village of Florenceville. 
Frank Mackwell carefully pushed his chair in the 
glow of light. 

His face was suddenly earnest as if the harm- 
less ambiguity through the whole year’s time found 
observation, yet one scarcely knew him. For sev- 
eral long minutes he looked with gloomy eyes staring 
straight forward as if he saw something horrible, 
instead of the glimmering shadows of the last grape 
leaves that were shaking themselves over the glass 
roof in the light wind. 

Then sighing deeply he said: “Oh, if Alma were 
only here! This moment of loneliness would then 
disappear. I can’t go to work, and the Doctor 
forbids me to smoke. Romance Alas, a person 
3 


4 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


has enough of his own romance. Who endures 
much more here than an odd fellow? I will have 
it better; after a few more days my fever will leave 
me. Therefore why shouldn’t I get well again? I 
will be well,” he called out in a raging voice, but 
at the same time it sounded heart-rending as from 
fright and weakness. At these words the door which 
led to the meadows was suddenly opened. 

‘‘What is the trouble, Frank, aren’t you feeling 
well?” asked Arthur Mackwell in a frightened voice. 
“I heard you calling, therefore I came at once.” 

The young man laughed saying, “I feel good. 
Father, I was just talking to myself.” 

“So, so, I see; I am glad that it wasn’t any- 
thing serious,” answered Minister Mackwell while he 
was stepping out of his shoes and nearing Frank 
at this moment. 

Frank looked around, then said in a low tone, 
“Truly it is a shame the way our house looks ; the 
floor is never swept, the windows are never washed, 
and no matter what a person takes hold of, it is 
filled with dust.” 

Mackwell just nodded his head! 

“Yes, and look at the big web hanging over there 
in the corner; it has been there for the last eight 
days,” said Frank. 

“It may be wrong to criticize the work of our 
Lord, but I can’t help it; I ask you why you speak 
of such disorder, my son ?” said Mackwell in a rather 
sad tone. 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


6 


“However once more, you are the boss of the 
house and you are also well. If I only were well, 
I would quickly manage them all.” 

“You are entirely correct, my boy. Entirely cor- 
rect, but what shall I do.f^ Gertrude is a prickly 
off-shoot and if I don’t want to hear any back talk 
I just have to keep my mouth shut. And further- 
more if I had to recall, what on earth would I 
do.? No girl will come to work here, because it 
is too lonely out here,” said Mackwell in a pitiful 
tone. 

“You ought to engage a younger coachman. 
Father, because Sam is too old and also too slow 
with his work,” said Frank looking at his father. 

“Yes, it is true, my son,” answered Mackwell, 
“but who will come here and work for me.? No 
young man will come because there is no way that 
he could enjoy himself.” 

Frank looked at his father half in amusement. 
His face, in spite of his age of sixty-five, looked 
as the face of a forsaken child. Half frightened, 
Frank shrugged his shoulders saying, “Father, you 
must do away with your old shirt and also put on a 
stand-up collar so you will look neat and clean when 
Alma comes.” 

Mackwell nodded his head saying, “I know it, my 
son, but I have taken off one already this week 
and you know that Gertrude always grumbles when 
she has too many clothes in the wash.” 

“Let her grumble. She does that often,” an- 


6 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


swered Frank. ^‘It is hard to suffer at present, but 
nevertheless we do not have to tell Alma what to do. 
It is indeed enough when she stays with us,” Mack- 
well shook his head slowly. 

This is the way it goes; a person always thinks 
just as if it happened yesterday; I held you a small, 
screaming little silly on my knees and did every- 
thing I could for you when you were in need and 
before one realizes it such a young jackanapes 
comes forth and tells his old gray-haired father: ‘you 
must do this, and leave that alone, and that simply 
won’t do.’ ” 

“Don’t be angry, dear father,” answered Frank. 

“I am not angry; I just wished to say what it 
means when a person grows old or commences to 
look compassionate, as if he had nothing more to 
say or do. And still every one has his little bit of 
knowledge. Never mind now, my son. We didn’t 
do anything better to our parents — we did the same, 
and you will commence to realize it, my son.” 

He stopped for a few minutes and grabbed hold 
of his son’s wrist to feel his pulse. 

“Normal, for the last three days,” said Frank. 

“It is really time. Now I can work again. I 
must attend examination Easter, for every term 
failed means unavoidable delay in the attainment of 
every appointment.” His breath came fast, as al- 
ways as soon as he commenced to get excited. 

Mackwell nodded his head. “Just as the Lord de- 
sires, my son.” 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


7 


Frank pulled his hand away from his father in 
great excitement and threw himself back. 

“Why shouldn’t the Lord permit it? The thing 
wasn’t situated in that way anyway. The judg- 
ment in this pitfall was fulfilled long ago even if it 
were not made public.” It was either to stay with 
the sickness now and then grow well and perhaps 
attend examination; or scorn the doctor and his 
creosote; yet once more he must trouble himself and 
go behind the church. Oh, the fright of this uncer- 
tainty whether one will have a future or not ! 

“Do you really think that Alma will like to stay 
with us ? It is so lonesome here, and she is used to a 
different life,” said Mackwell. 

Frank smiled in a proud and happy manner. 
“Do not worry about that. Father, Alma has the 
offer, and she can please herself in whatever way 
she wishes. When did Sam drive to the station?” 

“At twelve o’clock,” answered Mackwell. 

“One half hour ago, one hour’s rest for the old ' 
gray team, one half hour to come back,” counted 
Frank out loud. “Hurrah! She will be here at 
four o’clock.” 

“My son, are you really so happy over her com- 
ing?” 

“Furious.” The whole passionate young raging 
love lies in the call. And now: “Take a look at 
me. Father, am I dressed good enough for Alma? 
What do you say about my tie — is it clean enough?” 
Frank asked. 


8 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


“Very neat, very good, my son,” bragged Mack- 
well. His own clothes were just like Frank’s, cut 
out by a tailor with an ax in the little village of 
Whitefield, but he wore them satisfied. 

He did not care to dress up-to-date, as he looked 
at his son’s gray suit his heart was drawn together 
grievous. Turning around he walked silently to 
the door, while Frank stretched himself out on his 
stool again. His desire was to quiet down his im- 
patience and to keep himself quiet in order to be 
happy when Alma came. 

Everything was quiet just as if it were midnight. 
The sound of old Mage, the watch dog, snapping 
his teeth at the flies, was heard very plainly. 

The old clock in the house seemed to be saying, 
“She is coming. She is coming.” All his thoughts 
and mind seemed to be of Alma, whom he loved 
dearly. 

“When, oh, when, will the hour come when she 
will come to me, and I can greet her.^” Mage com- 
menced to bark loud and run up and back. 

All at once Frank heard the sound of a wagon 
driving on the sand road, saying to himself, “Truly 
it must be Sam driving the old gray team, and Alma 
is in the wagon.” The respectable old gray team 
appeared near the hedge fence and old Sam, the 
coachman, drove in the gate. 

“There, this is our young sir, — Madam.” 

The young dame did not answer, but out of her 
dark blue eyes the breathless strain spoke just the 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


9 


same as that of a person that awaits a decision. 
And before the wagon was brought to a stand-still, 
with an enforced jerk Alma tore the hard old stiff 
knee leather from the wagon. 

‘‘Frank.” 

The voice rang like crushed sobbing, in the happi- 
ness of seeing one another again, so much earnest- 
ness mingled that no undefiled happiness could exist, 
and still they felt that in this direct silence was the 
confession of uneasiness that each other wished to 
hide. 

While pressing her tight to his bosom he dis- 
covered that she shivered as if troubled. That 
touched his heart deeply, still he was weak and his 
eyes were soon filled with tears. 

“Dearest, sweetheart.” 

He bent her head back and kissed her with thirsty 
desire. “That you are here and that I can hold 
your hand,” said Frank slowly. “I have longed for 
you irrationally; this is more than I ever could ex- 
plain to you in my letters.” 

“And I.? What should I say? I have been 
counting the days. It was frightful. I really don’t 
know how I ever lived those days past.” 

He stroked her head lovingly. “Poor child, and 
father’s letters were insufficient. He never was a 
good hand at writing.” 

“I don’t know,” answered Alma. “I was always 
glad to receive a letter, especially when I was al- 
ways in anxiety and, therefore, my desire always 


10 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


was to receive news from you every hour. Did you 
suffer great pain, Frank?” asked Alma in a pitiful 
tone. 

“Well, the everlasting pleurisy, caused misery 
enough, but with all my longing I am glad that you 
did not see me in the condition I was in. Truly, 
entirely a clayworm.” 

“How do you feel now, anyway?” Her eyes 
looked straight at his face to inquire imploring about 
hope. 

“Oh, much better. Why shouldn’t I get well when 
you nurse me, my dear!” The happy sense of feel- 
ing at this hour left so suddenly that Frank didn’t 
even realize it. Then all of a sudden an attack came 
again; he turned his head to one side and coughed 
so hard just as if his chest were tearing apart. But 
when Frank saw Alma’s agitated face he braced him- 
self up with all his strength in order not to show 
her his weakness. 

“Don’t worry, Alma,” said Frank in a soft tone, 
trying to comfort her, “it isn’t anything serious. A 
thing of that sort always comes back again, and it 
all belongs to my sickness. But while I will be un- 
der your care I will soon get rid of everything and be 
well and strong again.” 

Alma pressed her head close to his bosom then 
saying in a down-hearted tone, “Oh, Frank, if I only 
knew what to do for you to help you get well. I 
would do most anything just to have you stay with 
me.” 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


11 


He bent his head over her and pressed his lips 
on her wavy hair saying, “Love me, dearest, that 
is the best medicine on earth.” 

Minister Mackwell sat in his study reading. The 
floor was carpeted, lace curtains hung at the win- 
dows and an old book case stood in the corner full of 
old books and a few others, also different small pam- 
phlets. He kept all of these since the time when he 
always studied and gave a sermon every Sunday 
morning at Whitefield. The only trouble was, that 
no one took care of his room, he himself was too 
old and Gertrude didn’t have enough interest to 
clean the room, and, therefore, everything was filled 
with dust ; the old writing table stood in a corner, 
a little prayer book, a song book and also an old 
worn-out Bible were on the table. 

Mackwell put on a stand-up collar, just to please 
Frank, but it stuck him so hard that his intention 
was to take it off, but he knew that if Frank saw 
him without the collar he would be a little argry; 
it seemed to him just as if something jstrange was 
going to occur, because he had to clean and dress 
himself up; when he thought of Alma he became 
nervous and said to himself, “I wish I had left Flor- 
enceville for several days and left the little farm 
house to the betrothed couple. Oh, God; and here 
they are both,” said Mackwell, astonished, when he 
saw Alma coming into his study leading Frank. 

“Here, Father, this is my Alma, or shall I say 
your Alma also.?” said Frank. Mackwell fought 


12 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


very hard with embarrassment. He did not see any 
young dames around his place or at the parishioners 
so young and pretty as Alma was. He bowed awk- 
wardly without putting his long pipe away. 

“I am very thankful that I was allowed to come 
and nurse Frank, dear Father,” said Alma when she 
took hold of Mackwell’s hand. 

Mackwell gazed at Alma’s clear blue eyes ; he was 
happy at last that a prospective daughter-in-law 
had entered the house; his heart was filled with joy. 
Thank God that she was none of those gossiping 
young dames. 

“God bless you, my child, and may your blessings 
continue for ever.” Just the same as ever; when- 
ever he became excited the first thing in his thoughts 
was always to utter a short blessing. 

His words gave her the sense of home feeling. 
Grabbing his hand quickly she kissed it. How sym- 
pathetic the good old face looked, and how well she 
understood his ways. 

Here was one of the beings that was always stand- 
ing ready and waiting for some one to come that 
would grant him something of love and care. Oh, 
therefore, her desire was not to let it be a failure. 

The room was filled with Minister Mackwell’s to- 
bacco smoke from the pipe that he was smoking; 
this smoke fell on Frank’s lungs and he commenced 
to cough hard again, and, therefore, they all en- 
tered the dining-room. 

A genuine young lady in clog, and dressed in a 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


13 


plain clean dress entered the room bringing in the 
coffee. 

She criticized Alma worse than a reviewer with 
a crooked look. “If the coffee isn’t steamed enough 
I can’t help it. I had to roast it and then cook it 
in one half hour,” said_Gertrude in a rather rough 
voice. 

“Oh, no, Gertrude, you aren’t to blame,” answered 
Mackwell, “we have neglected ourselves through 
chattering, but couldn’t you take a different coffee 
pot instead of this old tin one?” 

“You didn’t leave me no order — how did I know?” 
answered Gertrude rather angrily. Now the rela- 
tion between Alma and Gertrude, the housekeeper, 
commenced, or rather mysterious jealousy com- 
menced. 

In a short time Alma understood through friendly 
and good meeting in advance the peculiarity of the 
old girl, and tried to break her ill humor. 

When the first Sunday came. Minister Mackwell 
asked Alma to attend services and, therefore, Alma 
did not refuse her old kind father-in-law but at- 
tended church; the impression that she received in 
the small church, and the old-fashioned ceremonies 
she heard seemed almost to be referring to her. 
Alma felt just as if to drop down on her knees and 
pray to God in earnest for strength and comfort, 
but being a stranger there she felt embarrassed to 
kneel down and pray out loud among the other 
strangers. 


14f 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


With a sort of wonder she watched her father-in- 
law, who did not see all the unlovely manifestation 
around him. 

His surroundings gave the sensation of the near- 
ing of the Lord. Several hymns were sung by the 
few members that gathered in the church, then after 
the sermon, just as Minister Mackwell and Alma 
were leaving the church, Mr. , Orville Godwin, who 
is the town mayor in the little village of Florence- 
ville, and his wife stopped Minister Mackwell and 
Alma both inquiring about Frank, how he was get- 
ting along. Orville Godwin and his wife were glad 
to become acquainted with Alma; Godwin had a 
happy expression and talked friendly to Alma, ask- 
ing her where her home town was, while Mrs. God- 
win stood glancing at Alma with a sullen expression 
and did not care to talk to her and, therefore, paid 
as little attention to her as possible. 

She seemed to Mrs. Godwin a lovely type of well- 
meaning youth, but the consciousness seemed as a 
fulfilled strong human being. 

“She is really in mourning but still wears a check- 
ered tie, but why should such a young dame wear 
black.?” 

“Not so loud, my son,” said Minister Mackwell. 

“Why should I be quiet. Father ? I didn’t confirm 
Orville Godwin as you did and I do not have a 
fatherly feeling for him; I could procure all that 
is his.” 

“Very well, my son; but everybody must turn out 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


16 


just as the Lord created him. I don’t like to hear 
such opinions as that,” said Mackwell, while getting 
up from his chair, then, going toward Frank, he 
said, “I must go to Whitefield to attend a funeral.” 

“Put a muffler around your neck,” said Gertrude 
to Mackwell in a loud tone, “or else you will get the 
catarrh and then sore throat and then I will have 
to put cold applications to your throat and also 
cook tea for you, and I don’t care to do it because 
I have enough work to do with Frank.” 

TVith the beginning of the week Alma helped Ger- 
trude with all her work in the house and to pre- 
pare the meals from now on; she was very kind 
indeed. 

Gertrude thought to herself, what do I care for 
help? I always did the work alone and now I 
should be bossed by a pair of strong and smart eyes 
that are of a disagreeable kind; what good will it 
do? Dirt and disorder will still be in the house. 
Gertrude never did let a person boss her, or even 
say anything to her; she was always her own boss. 
Her furious temper boiled up; she proceeded on the 
farm and around the house just the same as a storm 
cloud. 

After a few days Mackwell noticed Alma’s ac- 
tivity; the house was cleaned in all the corners; the 
foul odor soon left the rooms and a fresh odor filled 
them; the dust disappeared and also the cobwebs; 
order and clean livers entered the house as far as 
possible under the circumstances. 


16 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


The beautiful summer weather had disappeared 
long ago ; big storms came up one after another and 
shook off the rest of the leaves from the grapevine 
at the veranda. And when at last the storms came 
to an end the garden and graveyard were wintry 
bare, the fog crept up from the snow and placed 
itself around Mackwell’s home like a thick cloak. 

A person almost forgot that there was a world and 
also human beings. Alma often thought of it when 
she was alone in her room; it was rather lonesome 
for her to be away from town and she really didn’t 
have to undertake the hardship, but her desire was 
to be with her Frank, so she could see him whenever 
she longed to ; they were engaged and this was made 
known. Many evenings she sat^by the window and 
thought to herself, “Is Frank ever going to be well.? 
Will I ever be his wife.?” But she really didn’t have 
any hope; these questions were hard to answer; she 
saw that he wasn’t as well as he tried to make her 
believe. 

Would she ever marry Frank, her lover whom she 
dearly loved, and carry the Mackwell name? — her 
thoughts always seemed to tell her that she was 
never going to marry him. 

Every morning when Alma came down stairs from 
her room the bright sun looked in through all of the 
windows ; but what did she care ; she was by Frank, 
the only happiness that she had in the wide world. 
She soon forgot the loneliness, it did not bother her 
in the least. 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


17 


Mackwell never had any visitors to come to visit 
him ; the only visitors that he had were Orville God- 
win and an old colleague. 

Truly why did she need strange people? She 
had Frank, the plenitude of life; it was joy for her 
to nurse her lover. She found disorder wherever it 
was ; also in the room of Mackwell’s wife ; that room 
was locked and never opened from the day when she 
was laid to rest; but since Alma came Mackwell un- 
locked the room, then Alma went to work, swept 
the room, dusted, and then put scarfs on the dresser, 
small table and put all other things nicely in order. 

Yes, indeed, it will prove to be a neater room for 
Frank than the dining-room. 

When Mackwell entered the room and found things 
all straightened out and put in order, also the room 
was aired out, the picture of his wife which hung on 
the wall was neatly decorated with fresh magolia 
wreaths. 

The strange thing is that he had not the feeling 
ready that he was expecting, but the practices from 
twenty years ago were still not rooted out. He 
moved out of his study and left the betrothed couple 
to themselves. Many an hour have both spent sit- 
ting together in the cozy room; Frank sat or was 
lying down in his chair while Alma sat beside him, 
reading a newspaper or some story, and whenever 
Frank was tired of listening to her read she would 
sew and do fancy work. 

Frank always wished Alma to sit beside him, so 


18 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


he could see her, and also talk a few words to her; 
if she hadn’t done what he wished her to do he would 
become down-hearted. 

Alma found such joy that she forgot about all 
her trouble and fright. She could tell by Frank’s 
expression that he also was very happy. Could 
there be anything better in the world for them in 
their life? She often sat and looked at him, longing 
for him to be well again, and be up and about. 

It seemed to him in the meantime as though he 
had a terrible burden to carry; he wished that his 
end would come to-day rather than to lie sick for 
several more weeks. When he looked at her, he could 
read in her expression that she suffered; she was 
sweet and loving just as a house-wife; it seemed to 
him as if the raving impatience of his twenty-six 
years would tear his heart to pieces. 

‘‘Oh, God, will she ever be mine? Oh, then, when? 
When? With increased strength he desired to work 
once more that he could marry her at once, but in- 
stead he had to lie — lie — sick and not able to do a 
thing; no, not even to get up. 

Was it the result of a cold or only the natural 
development that came from the sickness? Right 
after New Year’s Frank commenced to have fever. 

Alma’s heart stood still when she saw the condi- 
tion Frank was in; had the time really come that 
he had to leave her for good? Her hopes still were 
that perhaps he would get better, but now she saw 
clearly that it was all in vain. With a shivering 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


19 


hand she sat at the desk trying to write a few lines 
to Dr. Lee. 

Dr. Lee didn’t come to his patients very often — 
only when they were very sick, because it really was 
too far from town and of course his fee would be 
several dollars for one trip. 

When Dr. Lee received Alma’s letter he knew that 
Frank needed care, so he ordered his coachman to 
get the team ready at once so he could go to Flor- 
enceville. He had always taken care of Frank since 
an infant, and, therefore, he still wished to take care 
of him. When Dr. Lee arrived at Florenceville and 
went to see Frank, after examining him he said: 
“You still have a little fever, Frank, but don’t worry, 
you’ll be well soon again; try and be quiet as much 
as possible.” 

Frank’s eyes and hands were burning with fever; 
he was restless and nervous. In irritated tone he 
said that he wished the eternal sickness would pass 
away once more, the whole medical science was in 
vain now; he wished to go to a warm climate, per- 
haps he would get well. He never thought of get- 
ting well in Florenceville. 

Dr. Lee listened very carefully to Frank’s talk ; he 
really wasn’t against Frank’s intention to go away, 
but his desire was for him to stay just where he was 
in bed, and be very quiet, or else he would never get 
well; taking hold of Frank’s hand he said, “Let 
this be forgotten; be convinced and have no more 
longing to leave Florenceville.” 


20 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


After a consultation Alma stepped into the other 
room; she heard the last words and she became 
pale. 

Alma whispered to herself, ‘‘Dr. Lee has no hope 
for Frank’s recovery.” 

After bidding Frank good-by the Dr. ordered his 
coach immediately, and then left. He was kind and 
had a sympathetic heart; his thoughts were of the 
poor bride-to-be that she would never marry Frank 
and, therefore, it seemed painful to him. But Alma 
did not go to the Dr. and even ask about Frank, 
it really wasn’t necessary; she knew that he would 
last only a couple of more weeks ; she went to her 
room and wept bitterly, thinking, “now I must give 
him up,” and her soul hung on one thread, whose 
love was always as a costly present. Oh, if she could 
only die with him, or in his place. 

When she thought of the long years that she 
would have to stay alone and carry life’s heavy bur- 
dens, she almost cried aloud. 

In the deep darkness of her &oul a thought ran 
through her mind, whenever a person places some- 
thing up, he must help to carry it. Give me pa- 
tience in time of suffering. 

She repeated these words over and over again; 
in her thoughts something came ready formulated 
to her help. All of a sudden she heard the sound of 
a wagon by the side of the house; she walked to 
the window and saw Dr. Lee driving off. She 
washed her eyes so that Frank could not tell that 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


21 


she cried, and then with an iron courage born of 
love bestowed, she walked to the mirror and forced 
a smile upon her lips ; she then walked into the room 
where Frank lay in his chair. 

The strain that he saw on her face caused a ques- 
tion, but she laughed while standing by his side. 

“Dearest.” 

“What is it? What did Dr. Lee say?” asked 
Frank. 

“I didn’t talk to him any more after that,” an- 
swered Alma. 

Frank looked at Alma with an angry look, ask- 
ing, “Where were you then so long?” 

“Upstairs,” came the answer slowly, “but please 
don’t ask me anything more, you know what he said, 
‘Rest.’ ” 

“Entire rest — downright nonsense,” he raged for 
the first time since Alma knew him. 

“Just to lie down here always, and think, think; 
who can stand it?” He threw himself back in his 
pillow. 

“I feel so hot and so strange.” He never com- 
plained to her before, but he commenced saying, 
“Alma, do you think my end is near? I don’t be- 
lieve I ever felt this way before.” 

The unexpected question took all her courage ; she 
dropped on her knees beside his chair. Putting her 
head on his cover she bit hard into it, in order not 
to cry out loud. 

He saw what he had brought forth; when he looked 


22 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


at her his eyes were filled with tears ; he realized that 
he had caused her great pain. “My darling,” he 
called aloud, stroking her hair. She raised up her 
head and looked into his face. 

What the poor thing went through no one knows, 
and also what great pains she suffered in the few 
weeks she was "with him; it certainly was a burden 
for her. He crushed the fright that was around 
his life, that which tried to take his courage. 

Frank stroked her hair slowly and lovingly, then 
talking to her with his hot but soft voice, until she 
was comforted and finally rose to her feet. 

“It happened once,” said Alma, “but it will never 
happen again. I will try and help you in every way 
and also help you carry your burden, let it come 
however it may.” And as the dark and sad weeks 
were passing by slowly, Alma kept her word and did 
all that she could for him. 

Later she wondered how she ever came to live those 
sad and weary weeks through crushed from pain and 
still capable and overstrained to conceal from him. 
She took care of the household during the day, and 
at night she nursed the sick; the only sleep she got 
when nature insisted, and she was about exhausted 
and almost without strength ; this wasn’t for the first 
time; she watched over him every hour because he 
still belonged to her. “Oh, the years will be long 
without him,” thought Alma to herself; she knew 
that death was at the door, but perhaps her in- 
defatigable nursing could delay his entry yet for a 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


23 


short time just as one would implore a cruel de- 
stroyer. To have patience, a little patience further 
more. 

Frank did not suffer very much, however; he was 
scarcely clear over it himself how his strength 
checked itself. Absorbed in fever his youth shud- 
dered for death with inexpressible horror. Alone 
now, sick and helpless as he was, all he could do was 
to wait for further results. Therefore one could be 
happy; every small matter seemed worthy-full and 
important at this moment. 

But the greatest grief is situated, nevertheless, be- 
sides some one else. To die and leave everything be- 
hind, even his bride to be, whom he loved. Oh, how 
his whole soul beamed when he thought of every- 
thing. 

One day in February the weather was clear, but 
at the same time it was cold. Alma sat beside 
Frank’s bed. A sun ray began to build its golden 
reflexion in her pretty brown hair; the dark blue 
dress that she wore seemed as though it was made 
just to fit her beautiful form. A sweet suffering 
lay around her mouth ; her eyes glittered from tears. 
Frank looked at her with a longing, thinking, “She 
will never be mine. No, never.” Then suddenly a 
thought ran through his mind, just as the claws of 
a beast of prey, “That some day she will belong to 
some one else,” after he was dead and gone. Years 
will pass indeed, I know that she is true and it will 
also be hard for her to forget, but still who knows? 


24 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


“Some one else will hold her in his arms, and 
kiss her soft lips, and I will be dead and gone,” 
then sighing deeply he said, “Qli, God in heaven.” 
All of a sudden his face became red jealously 
which caused him a terrible pain and he groaned 
aloud. 

Alma quickly jumped to his side, frightened half 
to death, saying, “Frank, what is the trouble .P” 

He motioned with his hand and said in a quiet 
tone, “Oh, nothing, nothing; I just felt a little 
queer.” 

Perhaps he could tell her something about what 
he thought, but the jealousy raged in him further. 
When Alma bent down to him, he threw both arms 
around her neck, as if he were wild. 

“She still is mine,” yet his words meant the whole 
world to her. His anxious wish came before him, 
to plead her somehow to fulfill his wish and to hide 
all views from her until her beauty that had glad- 
dened him could unchain no more desire. 

“Promise me,” he pleaded in a rough tone, “that 
when I die you will never leave Florenceville — never? 
Promise me.” 

Alma saw his excitement in his eyes very plain; 
these words passed through her mind quickly, that 
she still could stay just as long as his father lived, 
but why should she worry a sick person? 

Nothing of that sort came up. She felt that 
after Frank’s parting there would be entire indif- 
ference where she had passed her sunless life. She 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


25 


pressed her face tight to his shoulder in order to 
hide the drawn sobbing from his sight. 

“Indeed, dear, I will stay here,” answered Alma 
in a half-smothered voice. 

The strain on his face relaxed, he grabbed after 
her hand and stroked and stroked it. 

“It is very nice of you. It makes me feel happy 
when I think of your dear hands that will care of 
my grave. I wouldn’t like to be forsaken and lie 
there alone and forgotten as poor Henry Riggs. 
You know the cross that stands on his grave with 
the silly words printed? ‘A Hopeful Lad.’ I was 
one of them before ; it happened just as I told you. 
The first day. A cross also for me,” he uttered 
sadly, then after a short stop he commenced to talk 
again, “It will also be a great favor for father if 
you stay here; he is a person that needs care and 
nursing. And if Lester comes will you tell him 
about me and make the parental roof cheerful? Tell 
him all you know about me — the dear old boy, it will 
be a shock for him; he certainly will miss me when 
he finds that I am gone. We both kept ourselves 
so close together, it really is too bad that you don’t 
know him, and as far as I can remember we didn’t 
talk to you very much about him. But at least I 
can repeat that to you again. Remind me of it 
to-morrow and I will tell you a little about him so 
when he comes you will know him.” 

But in the night death came to Frank Mackwell 
so still and quiet that not a sound was even heard. 


26 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


As if sleeping Frank lay in bed, with the same ex- 
pression that he had for the last few weeks when 
he tried to be ready with his life and death secrets. 
He was found this way by Alma as she entered his 
room early the next morning with a cup of hot milk 
for him. 

Alma cried saying, “Oh, that he died so peaceful 
without looking at me once more — even without a 
hard handshake. Oh, if he had only said a few 
words to me! Now I part from thee, but not even 
were these few words uttered. It is almost im- 
possible to believe that Frank is really dead; only 
yesterday did these lips kiss me so hard, these big 
eyes followed every move of mine, and now this silent, 
eternal downright indifference to so much heart sor- 
row.” 

Death seemed to say, “Touch me not, because I 
do not belong to you, and I have nothing in general 
with you ; you don’t know what I know.” 

Chills ran through Alma’s veins. Wasn’t there 
anything better in the whole world than a colored 
shimmer and death and its consequences only real 
and important ? 

“If he had only looked at me once more, if he ut- 
tered only one word to me,” said Alma, while she 
stood by his bedside, sobbing bitterly as if her heart 
was torn in two. 

Frank Mackwell died on Tuesday and on Friday 
of the same week a heavy snow storm approached, 
and the strong wind rustled in the funeral wreaths. 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


27 


The bitter necessity to work and put things to order 
helped Alma to hold herself upright, and the role of 
the representative housewife lasted until the day of 
the funeral. 

Minister Mackwell intended to hold funeral serv- 
ices over his own son, but at the last moment his 
strength gave way. 

Two or three strange ministers met at Mackwell’s 
request, and one of them spoke at the grave of the 
pity he had for the father and also for the in- 
tended bride. But his words flowed unimpressively 
as strange talk past Alma. But still she wasn’t in 
the condition to pick up a comforting word. 

The Godwins and the strange ministers ordered 
their wagon immediately after the close of the fu- 
neral. But a cup of coffee had to be served be- 
cause the weather was so cold, and while drinking a 
cup of warm coffee a person generally gets warm; 
again it seemed to Alma when she looked around to 
her right and while completing the work as a house- 
wife feeling sure that the looks, of the strangers fol- 
lowed her sympathetically and anxiously. It began 
to dawn when the last wagon drove away from the 
farm. 

In the room where the casket stood the candles 
were still burning, and flickering in the draught. 
Gertrude sat beside the candles and watched them 
very carefully argus-eyed that no person might put 
them out. They had to go out by themselves or 
else after another year another dead body would be 


28 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


carried out of the house; this was a thing that she 
believed in. 

Alma went to the rooms once more which were 
cooled by the draught. In the study she found 
Frank’s father sitting in a chair, his head sunk deep, 
his hands between his knees, a picture of desolation. 
When he heard Alma’s footsteps he arose quickly 
and went to meet her. 

“Now our dear Frank is laid to rest,” said Mack- 
well in a sad tone. His look and tone unchained all 
the wild pain that the arrangement of the day had 
held in check. 

“Father, help me. Oh, Father, please.” She 
clung to him as if she was in despair. Wasn’t 
Mackwell the only thing that was left for her now? 
Frank was gone and she promised him that she was 
never going to leave Florenceville. Life seemed so 
poor and miserable she dragged herself through the 
gray, sad days and also nights. 

Alma put the question before herself what she 
really was going to do now; she wondered what work 
she should commence. She often sat thinking this 
or that; she would like to be a nurse and nurse sick 
patients ; she thought about different things the 
whole month long, until all of a sudden a thought 
came to her mind just as a knife stab, that all of 
this was in vain. 

Frank’s room was now locked, the bed empty and 
the sick one was gone forever. 

Then all at once the longing drove her where he 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


29 


lay in eternal sleep. She passed between the house 
and the grave-yard at least ten times a day without 
paying any attention to the heavy wind, and when 
it commenced to storm hard Mackwell followed her 
to the grave. “Come home, child, to the living; 
don’t make yourself sick,” pleaded he. “Frank isn’t 
here any more.” 

Oh, she had already had the old bitter experience 
that there is no relief at the grave of the loved one, 
but nevertheless she could not stay away; she al- 
ways cleaned the snow away and straightened the 
wreaths. 

Mackwell always pleaded with Alma to make her 
keep her health. What would he do without her if 
she would become sick and die? It is very nice that 
she takes care of him and always thinks of him. 
The winter showed itself different in this year with 
its unfriendly ways. It snowed one whole day and 
night, and would not cease ; the roads and paths were 
drifted. And then the sun tried its best to shine 
again, every hedge and scanty sprout carried a glit- 
tering cap, and every fairy-like tree and bud 
sparkled. 

The room of Mackwell’s wife was locked again be- 
cause it was hard enough to keep the other rooms 
warm. 

John Davis, the schoolmaster of the village of 
Florenceville, could go to school alone and study, 
because not a scholar came to school. No, not a 
single child. No one ever came to church on a Sun- 


30 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


day either. All a person ever used the calendar for 
was to tell Sunday from the other days. The mail 
carrier, who had the route where Mackwell lived, also 
stayed away for some time because the roads drifted 
too high for him to drive his team of horses. Every 
once in a while he had a paper for Mackwell. 

Mrs. Lottie Dawson was Lottie Mackwell, daugh- 
ter of Minister Mackwell. She wrote sad and real 
kind to her father, after the death of her brother 
Frank, and during the coming year she promised to 
pay her father a visit. But her father did not an- 
swer her letter, because he knew that she would cause 
them great trouble, because she had caused him 
trouble before. The lonely parent’s house already 
seemed something to the daughter ; she thought her 
father didn’t have a home any more; his own child 
seemed a stranger to him, but he did not care be- 
cause Alma had already stepped in her place; she 
always was around him ; they both sat and talked of 
life and of Frank, his beloved son. All the small, 
amusing, touching stories that come up in every 
nursery, and oh, how she loved to listen to them! 

' Evening after evening passed for them both after 
a time; the minister’s house almost snowed under 
but each tried to cheer the other by telling different 
stories and listening to them. Frank no longer be- 
longed to the living creatures whose ways lie clear 
to-day. Up until to the last day a person always 
thought that Alma didn’t have any feeling. But the 
trial itself was telling of the old complete picture 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


31 


always of her engagement; her only joy was wasted 
in the long months. From Frank’s books, letters, 
and also from his diary she figured in apprehension 
to strive to keep her task from temptation and worry, 
here and there speaking quietly she created for her- 
self a world in which at least she found happiness. 
Her thoughts never left her, she wished and hoped 
nothing more of life. Deep loneliness and widowed 
sorrow surrounded her now as a stone wall. 

The snow was on the ground long in that year, 
but at the end of March a person could see a little 
of the ground here and there. After a couple of 
weeks the sun shone bright and the snow melted 
away in a short time, and here and there green 
meadows could be seen; the air was filled with fresh 
green odor. 

Poor Master Davis who did not teach his class 
for several months was not disturbed at all. 

The first Sunday when the weather was fair the 
people all went to church, and Master Davis drove 
to church with Minister Mackwell. While they were 
driving to church they talked of different things; 
Master Davis said, “Perhaps we can hold Sunday 
sermons again,” while Minister Mackwell shrugged 
his shoulders. 

All at once they drove into a mud puddle and the 
mud splashed upon their blanket that they had on 
their lap. When the roads were good Mrs. God- 
win went to church also for an hour. She spoke 
a few words in good humor that Alma had to go 


32 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


among people and be comforted; she closed the ser- 
mon, therefore, with an urgent invitation, and Alma 
did not say anything because she did not care to 
make her cranky. The buds in the cemetery com- 
menced to open up in the spring sunshine; finch 
and meadow larks warbled while the robin commenced 
to build her nest in an apple tree. 

Toward Whitsunday, Alma received a letter 
from her Principal, Miss Watson, with whom Alma 
used to be a school teacher in a private school. Be- 
ing a good teacher for many years Miss Watson 
wrote a dear and almost motherly letter. 

“My cousin, who was a teacher here, is going to 
leave us now and I must engage another teacher — 
don’t you wish to come back? Della also yearns 
for you and I am sure we all will greet you with 
open arms. Don’t fear that the social tone of our 
home will harm you; I know that a good person 
like you is demanded at any time, and will take all 
imaginable respect; believe me after all that I have 
heard the minister’s will be no lasting stay for such 
a pretty young woman as you; if you can’t see 
into it and understand, please come at once, dear 
Alma.” 

Alma smiled with a sad smile when she finished 
reading the letter. Her youth and happiness, where 
were they? she asked herself. A thought came to 
her and this made her study very deep for several 
days. The letter made her study deeply; in her 
deep pain it seemed to her as if she had to spend her 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


33 


life so from day to day. For the first time the ques- 
tion came before her. Yes, would that happen.? 
She was poor and parentless and her small amount 
that she had would not even buy her all the things 
that she would need as long as she would live. Must 
her life still be dark and dreary for the long gray 
years that still lay before her and still call them- 
selves her future.? 

She would have to take the call good or bad; she 
taught strange children and warmed herself on 
strange herds ; she had to try and forget at once the 
sweet hopes that have assigned themselves to her. 
But now she would have to go back to the people 
in whose house a thousand things come back to one’s 
memory of the lost. 

Miss Watson loved Alma so much that she 
could not wait until she received an answer from 
her. 

Alma thought to herself, “How can I ever leave 
this place.? I promised to stay, now what on earth 
shall I do.? How could I ever stand all of this when 
I would be down-hearted.?” 

In her deep sadness she would have to stand alone 
among so many happy ones as a disturber, “and 
even when the warm-hearted Miss Watson has asked 
me to answer her in a short time, I must not cause 
delay, but answer her at once. Even those dear old 
friends that were so dear to me are nothing at all 
now.” She made up her mind to look for a new 
position, but the first thing of all she had to talk to 


34 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


Frank’s father about it, even if he had no right to 
tell her what to do or say, but anyway she felt that 
it would be the proper thing. 

At dinner time Alma gave the letter to him to 
read, and then she waited for his opinion to see 
what he would advise her to do. Her eyes were 
filled with tears now, when she thought how near the 
time was that she had to part and to her it seemed 
as though her heart clung to the lonely house and 
to the old man. Oh, if she could only stay with him 
were her thoughts ; her desire was also to stay with 
him rather than to get used to some other new posi- 
tion. 

Mackwell listened to her, frightened and sad, he 
never thought that she would leave him. Finally 
he said that she was correct, no one could live on 
five hundred dollars. That was indeed very clear 
before him. 

He could live many more years yet, and he could 
keep her with him, but later if God took him then 
he would leave her and she would have to support 
herself. Perhaps it would be better for her to go 
away at once. 

When Mackwell thought of her parting he said 
to himself, ‘‘No, I cannot let her go out among 
strange people in the wide world, amongst people 
with her wounded heart who really do not under- 
stand her, and perhaps they would take hold of her 
with their rough hands, and especially now when 
her nerves are shattered. That certainly won’t do ; 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


35 


that will surely break her up.” And she was the 
only thing that was left from his dear son. 

Was there a way to hold Alma here.?’ He didn’t 
speak very much the whole evening long, because he 
was thinking the matter over deeply, but the next 
morning he appeared with a fairly jolly expression 
on his good old face. “Dearest child,” he com- 
menced, “I studied over your matter the whole night 
long and at last I prayed to God to help me in some 
way that I might persuade you to stay, and I do 
believe that he has answered my prayer, and I see 
a way now.” 

“How could that ever be possible.?” asked Alma 
in a frightened tone. 

“You see, my child, if you would marry me, then 
everything would be put in order and you could 
leave the school alone — alone because then you would 
not have to work to support yourself. You would 
be my sunshine, until it would be in the Lord’s power 
to take me away, and you would be a widow, and 
still you would carry a minister’s name, and your 
share to receive a good subsistence; everything in- 
deed is so plain. Therefore, you have nothing to be 
frightened for.” His whole manner spoke from 
these words and nothing in the world could have 
pleased Alma more than the words that he spoke. 

She looked quietly at Mackwell with big sad eyes, 
thinking to herself, “The poor, dear, old soul.” 

“Are you frightened, Alma.?” he asked her in a 
soft tone. 


36 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


“Not exactly frightened, but I am afraid of Lot- 
tie,” she murmured. 

“Oh, her! Oh, don’t worry yourself about her; 
she is much too bossy for me. Perhaps she will be 
happy when she will hear that I will have a sup- 
port in my old days. And likewise when Lester will 
hear of it he also will be happy. Neither were sat- 
isfied long ago for me to stay here alone, both 
wished me to keep a housekeeper. But with you, my 
dear, it is something altogether a different proposi- 
tion. The Lord desires us to be husband and wife 
so that we could carry the burden for each other. 
Isn’t it true, my dear.?”’ he asked. 

She leaned back in her chair, and by her expres- 
sion it looked as if she was going to be blown down, 
but after a few moments she was quiet and satis- 
fied. Never before did he seem so loving to her as 
at this time, and to him she never seemed so good. 

Alma thought, “Why shouldn’t I marry him if 
it is his desire.? Why not.?” She would carry 
Frank’s name just the same even if not married to 
him, her name would always be Alma Mackwell. Oh, 
how dear the name sounded to her at this moment; 
she knew that she would not have to part from his 
grave, she realized even if she would leave Florence- 
ville to-day, to-morrow it would call her back to his 
grave with a thousand different words. It was in- 
deed Frank’s last desire for her to stay in Florence- 
ville. Who can tell? Perhaps he thought of the 
same thing. 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


37 


‘‘A little selfishness stays by me yet,” said Mack- 
well, laughing, “but I really don’t mean no harm by 
saying that, Alma. You don’t know what it means 
to be old; in youth a person mourns not over lone- 
liness so much; is ambitious to work, but when a 
person gets old he is different in every way; he 
looks for a dear face and also listens for dear and 
friendly words. The Lord is always free with 
us, but at the point of death a person wouldn’t 
like to be forsaken by his friends and also by 
people.” 

That gave her a longing to stay; she wished to 
stay; she wished to make his life warm and happy 
for him, yes, for Frank’s father, and make his end 
happy for him. If he hadn’t thought of loving her, 
her life would have become content. The short ser- 
mon of their marriage seemed always longer and 
longer to her. She sighed deeply, then saying in a 
soft tone, “You will not be forsaken; I will stay by 
you just as you desire.” 

Mackwell’s face glowed with happiness ; he walked 
up to and stroked his hand over her hair softly, say- 
ing, “that is correct, it makes me very happy, darl- 
ing, and Frank would also be happy if he knew you 
are going to marry me, but come now we will both 
go to him.” 

In the evening both sat by the fireside and talked 
and made their wedding plans. Alma talked of her 
trousseau and Mackwell talked about the sermon in 
church. The church would have to be cleaned and 


38 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


scrubbed, and he would engage the same minister 
that spoke at Frank’s grave. 

He knew that people would have a little to say 
about him because he was going to marry such a 
young woman, but why should he worry himself? 
Alma seemed to be satisfied. 

Alma herself knew that some talk would be go- 
ing on about her in the village of Florenceville, but 
it did not cause her grief and worry. She was 
willing to do her part and stay with him just to 
keep her former lover’s wish. Alma went to New 
York to one of her friends, a Mrs. Lewis, to spend 
the few weeks before her marriage. 

After one week at Mrs. Lewis’s house she began 
to realize how far she was away and he was in 
Florenceville all alone; without a soul to cheer him. 

“Alma, for heaven’s sake, are you going to marry 
your father-in-law? Did you ever stop and think 
the matter over deep and realize that perhaps in a 
couple of years from now you may find some one 
that you will love?” said Mrs. Lewis 

The unbelievable tone fell upon Alma’s overworked 
nerves, and she broke out in tears. “Don’t you 
really understand me? Can’t you see that Flor- 
enceville is the only place for me to spend the rest 
of my life? My lover begged me when dying to stay 
and care for his father, and you see if I nurse and 
carry his name it will seem to me just as if some- 
thing was binding me to Frank.” 

“Yes, my dear, that is true, but you could stay 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


39 


with him and care for him just the same without 
marrying him; see here, it may not seem glorious 
for the human nature that sorrow will last a life- 
time. As years pass by perhaps the time will come 
that you — ” 

“Do you intend to put the question before me 
that I did not love Frank?” asked Alma, almost 
angry. 

Mrs. Lewis answered prudently, “I intend no 
judgment; I only spoke to you for your sake.” 

Alma’s face already wore a tired expression; 
Mackwell had the interests of his position and his 
age. “He is a quiet person and that is what I like 
in him,” said Alma. “I simply could not carry the 
burden if some one tried to work upon me.” 

Mrs. Lewis found these last statements only too 
much verified. She and her husband, who was a 
doctor, did not hold much conversation among them- 
selves. Dr. Lewis was always busy attending to his 
patients, and, therefore, they very seldom had visi- 
tors ; once in a while they had a couple of university 
friends and also several scholars and authors pay 
them a visit. The conversation was about different 
things and interesting, but Mrs. Lewis saw with 
homelike sympathy that Alma was real passive. 

She listened to Alma and answered her whenever 
she asked a question, but a new thought stepped into 
her mind; she criticized everything with lusterless 
quiet glance of a human. 

Alma wrote detailed long letters to Mackwell in 


40 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


a way of a daughterly style. She did not receive 
much of an answer to the letters she wrote to him; 
from his letters the proper mixture spoke and a child- 
ish strangeness that longed for Alma to return 
home. His home seemed empty and desolate with- 
out his darling, and one day a letter arrived with 
the news that everything was prepared for the wed- 
ding. 

Mrs. Godwin came over to MackwelPs home and 
straightened out the house very nicely, because Alma 
was gone four weeks, and when she would return 
Mackwell did not care to see her work the first thing. 
Minister Owen was engaged to perform the sermon. 
The wedding was to take place May the fifth. 

Mrs. Lewis watched Alma very close to see if 
she was going to become excited, but she took the 
news with great joy and was quiet just as if a con- 
siderable call came to her; she already longed to 
be back in Florenceville. She sighed with a sigh 
of relief, and then got herself ready and left New 
York at once. 

When the train neared the station Alma saw 
Mackwell standing and watching for her; the tall 
figure, the long gray hair and the quiet expression 
made him a cheerful person in the midst of a crowd. 
He looked down-hearted; the unpleasantness of the 
last few days made him unhappy. 

“Thanks to the Almighty, that you are back here 
again,” said he from the bottom of the heart. “Now 
we will never part again.” His joy and happiness 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


41 


touched Alma deeply and this meeting again made 
the home coming happy for her. 

He rode direct to the registration office where two 
men, dressed in black robes, were awaiting both; 
these men were the two divines of the town and should 
act as witnesses. 

Mackwell had himself entreated for this work, but 
he felt uncertain that they did not catch on to him 
or to Alma, and, therefore, he looked very strange at 
them. He thought generally by this occasion how 
surrounded he was with strangers ; sighing he step- 
ped into his old carriage to drive home where the 
people were awaiting Alma’s return. 

Sam stood between the two horses and looked 
pleased. Then turning to Alma he said, ‘T con- 
gratulate you, Mrs. Mackwell.” 

When Mackwell heard the words he said, “No, my 
servant, she will be Mrs. Mackwell in church, but I 
thank you very much for your congratulation.” 

Sam had a queer expression, looking half laugh- 
ing and half earnest. How plain the words called 
Alma back that day, first she rode through the 
sunny harvest-land road of Florenceville ; she was 
so impatient over the old slowness, the heart being 
torn here and there, for fright, waiting and hope. 
And then they stopped in front of the house, and by 
the door stood one whose heart pounded not a bit 
more. In longing she saw him plain before herself in 
the gray suit. 

Everything was now past — everything out, at 


42 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


least the hope, and also for the fright and waiting 
there was no more space. 

There was nothing more left for her but nurse, 
and that would help her to carry out her life. 
Mackwell stroked Alma’s hand several times as she 
lay asleep on the wagon-bolster. 

He then said, ‘‘My Alma, my good child.” But 
Alma did not notice it; finally he leaned back in a 
corner and fell asleep also while the wagon rocked 
slowly through the deep sand. It was almost four 
o’clock when they arrived at Mackwell’s home; while 
entering the home they caught a smell of the calf- 
roast. 

Minister Owen, also Mr. Godwin and his wife who 
is supposed to help the bride with her toilette. The 
poor thing must have some one to help her on a hard 
day as this. Alma did not think far off there to put 
the sorrow away for this wedding day. She had a 
black silk dress which would do for her. She un- 
packed the veil and wreath which was packed in 
her trunk by Mrs. Lewis. So it did not take Alma 
fifteen minutes to get ready. 

Mrs. Godwin was excited and had tears in her eyes. 
She always wished that something would happen so 
that Alma would not marry Mackwell. But no. 
The Lord wished to grant one poor creature to come 
into luck. 

Merely when she felt the cool wreath on her fore- 
head a quiver passed over her face just as if she was 
going to break out in tears. She stepped to the 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


43 


window, and leaned her head on it for a few min- 
utes until she became calm again and then with 
quick steps she walked into the living room; here 
in the room stood Mr. Godwin and Minister Owen; 
both shook hands with her, while their expression 
was earnest. The kind-hearted, red-cheeked land- 
owner was excited; the sweat stood on his forehead; 
he pulled his handkerchief from his pocket and wiped 
off his forehead. 

Mackwell was dressed in a black suit; when he 
saw Alma come in bridal attire his thoughts were 
confused in odd visions and ways. 

Here is the bride — but where the bridegroom.? 
He thought to himself, but he himself was the groom. 
And to him it seemed as if a knife was stuck in him, 
saying, ‘‘Are we really doing the correct thing.?” 
He went to Alma and the others stepped back a 
little. “It is hard for you,” he whispered to her 
softly. “Try to bear it a little longer; it soon will 
be over with.” 

It was moldy and moist in the church. In de- 
fiance of the summer-warmth it smelled of mildew, 
and as Mrs. Godwin looked up she saw that a large 
web broke loose from the ceiling and was coming 
down right over Minister Owen. “Will it fall on 
his head.?” she thought to herself. 

Master Davis called the choir children together 
for this occasion, which never happened before at 
a marriage, and to Mackwell it seemed a great 
honor, but the hard reciting of the eight thin voices 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


raised up only the ghost-like miserable festival in- 
stead of softening it. 

Alma was the only one that wasn’t touched by 
their singing; in her was a strange stiffness, over 
which the fantasia alone had no power. She did not 
cry at all as she knelt with Mackwell by the altar, 
while the binding formula was spoken over them. 
Where could her thoughts be wandering while she 
gazed up at the minister As they stepped out of 
the church the whole population at least was stand- 
ing by the door, but Alma did not notice them 
at all. 

“Don’t you want to go to him first asked Alma. 

“Won’t it be too much for you, my dear.^^” asked 
Mackwell. 

And then at the grave-yard she stood by the stone 
stroking her hand over it several times, and looking 
at the name which read “Frank Mackwell.” 

“No, Mrs. Lewis can say whatever she wishes; 
this grave held me tight with cords.” She could 
never part from him. Just now she felt how much 
she had longed after him in the last few weeks. 

Both the Godwins and Minister Owen stood quietly 
in sympathy. They were entirely ready just as if 
they were going to attend a funeral. And this ex- 
pression was impossible, yet stronger when they re- 
turned to the house and sat down to the table. 
Of all the recollection, was he who sat on the right 
side of the pale bride. 

The sexton was also invited to sit at the table, 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


45 


that no injustice might find itself among the neigh- 
bors. He was real quiet and devoted all his strength 
to the calf-roast. All of a sudden a thought ran 
through his mind that no one gave a toast at the 
wedding. He thought to himself, “A few kind words 
must be spoken.” His unrest arose and he could 
stand it no longer, so he hit against his glass. 
“High-honored,” he commenced with a tone of a 
brave man, “pardon me if I do not bring these words 
out correct. I just wanted to say — ” 

He stopped for a few seconds. The wedding wine 
had scattered his thoughts a little. “It seems it 
pleased the Lord to bring happiness in this house, 
therefore. High-honored, we all shall empty a glass 
of wine so that love and truth will reign in our 
Minister’s house.” 

Master Davis hit his hand against his chest — say- 
ing, “Our old Minister. Our new Mrs. Mackwell — 
Live high.” Alma turned her quiet and sad eyes 
quickly to the well-meant talk. 

Mackwell was glad to be noticed. “Bravo,” 
called the landowner and then hit Master Davis on 
his shoulder saying what a compliment he gave. 
At eight o’clock the guests started to part. 

Minister Owen held Alma’s hand for a short time 
while bidding her good-night. When he gave the 
funeral sermon for Frank, his heart was less filled 
with joy, but at that time it was much easier to 
find a few words of sympathy. The marriage was 
a closed deed, but God’s sending. 


46 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


“Good-night, Mrs. Mackwell — and may the Lord 
help you further.” 

Alma did not understand him right. Indeed the 
wish had been granted. We need God’s help at all 
times and at all places, but see what lies here. 

“What did Owen really mean?” thought Alma to 
herself. Now she did not think a word over it any 
more. The warm weeks came again; the so-called 
harvest time, specially in the small country, where 
strange help could not be found, not even for gold. 
It was then that Mr. Godwin, who didn’t need all of 
his men at the present time, let Mackwell have one 
of his men. 

Here it was called to restrain oneself, in a way 
just as Alma did; she did not begin to realize it up 
to this time. Already early in the morning Ger- 
trude had to go in the field also, even before the 
cows were milked, so then all the housework was left 
to Alma. She did everything with pleasure and pa- 
tience, and, therefore, Mackwell did not spare him- 
self ; he worked just as hard as he could. 

Poor old Sam became stiffer and older each year, 
he, therefore, needed help to load and unload the 
wagon. Boldly in his years he worked, but in the 
evening he was almost exhausted, and, therefore, he 
spent the remainder of his evening with painful limbs, 
Ijdng on the sofa, even too tired to speak while Alma 
rubbed his limbs or else read to him. He was very 
thankful to Alma because she tried her best to com- 
fort him in every way. 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


47 


“How glad I am, Alma, that you stayed by me,” 
said Mackwell smiling. “When I often think how 
I used to suffer at harvest time it really makes me 
down-hearted; I hardly got anything to eat, and 
the whole house almost drowned in dirt and dis- 
order. And in return now; the Lord truly made 
it well with me, from sadness to happiness.” 

Then Alma stroked his hand and MackwelPs heart 
became warm. No, she had her charge to make his 
evening happy for him, in case her life was hard and 
sad. Only to be happy ! This is what Alma longed 
for, she often thought. Oh, if she had only died with 
Frank ! 

Now he was the master of the work; corn and 
potatoes were brought in, the potato crop was poor 
but they had to be dug just the same. The fruit 
was picked, some was dried while others were canned. 
Thanksgiving was celebrated in the church and on 
the farm. 

“Now thank God we will have rest,” said Mack- 
well. And they sure had rest because the winter 
weather began; the storms began to tear the leaves 
from the trees and again the fog crept up from the 
snow, and lay around the house as a heavy white 
cloak. For the first time since Alma returned from 
New York she found the days long. Now the trou- 
ble of the summer months had passed by, and it 
seemed to Alma as if she had an exuberant free time, 
for by all means there was no hard work. She took 
the house washing that needed mending, and while 


48 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


she sat and mended and darned, different earnest 
thoughts came to her mind that made her body 
tremble and still they could not be true. Then it 
would have been joy for both had he been inter- 
ested in reading, but he was not, because Alma soon 
noticed that Mackwell did not pay much interest 
to her reading. He who had seen everything clear 
and solid long before himself did not feel the ob- 
scurity and inner need of a person. 

“I am making him an unpleasant life,” thought 
Alma to herself, “but that must not happen ; I must 
try and show more interest in him and his work that 
he will show more interest in me.” Now the evening 
was spent by a poor light ; Mackwell sat in the sofa 
corner covered in tobacco smoke or else with a pam- 
phlet trying to read to pass time; while Alma sat 
opposite him with her embroidery work; both sat so 
quiet that if strangers were there they would think 
that both were strangers. 

“I think I do not amuse him enough; I must be 
more talkative,” said Alma to herself, and then in- 
deed she commenced to speak out of her frightened 
mind of this and that small event. Hardly were a 
few questions asked and answered when the same 
quietness came up again. Finally she found out 
where all the fault lay. She had talked to her hus- 
band of herself — yes entirely — but she did not want 
to believe it at the beginning. The thought brought 
so much unquiet to Alma that she hardly knew what 
to do, but at last the realization came. The painful 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


49 


dream-life that was hers up until the wedding day. 

For the first time since the wedding Alma thought 
of the forty years difference between her and Mack- 
well. But nevertheless she felt herself a stranger 
unto this very day about care, about sadness, and 
also about interest; could that really be true? So 
wonderful, so earnest, couldn’t the holy sensation be 
yet? 

One day Mrs. Lewis sent Alma a large package 
of new books. As Alma looked over the books she 
found interest and happiness for the first time since 
Frank’s death. But now she must share the hap- 
piness, she thought with her husband. Yes, she 
must read to him. And while Alma read. Mack- 
well listened with much interest. “If the child wishes 
me to listen I will listen.” He began to realize 
and was thankful at the same time when he saw that 
Alma was going through all of the trouble for his 
sake. 

He could just as well be satisfied, sit and listen and 
smoke his pipe. She commenced with the book “In 
the Palace of the King.” She liked the book very 
much because it was interesting. After reading 
about half of the book she asked her husband with 
a smile, “Well, Father, what do you think of the 
book?” Mackwell didn’t wish to hurt her feelings so 
he said, “It seems to be quite interesting, my dear, 
read on further.” 

But oh, dear, Alma soon realized that he had 
enough of the book. Everything seemed strange to 


50 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


him, and while Alma read, he fell asleep. The 
esthetic sense failed him once now, and it would have 
failed him even if he wouldn’t become old in the soli- 
tude of ministry. He missed the improving that 
should come to him at every reading. He drew his 
church pamphlet nearer to himself, yes his prayer 
book also. He brought full stories right between 
improbable repentances. 

With quiet patience Alma changed the book and 
picked out another one, and commenced to read. 
The work was written better and Mackwell listened 
to the end, and this made Alma feel happy. With 
good taste Alma tried real hard and a plain feeling 
warned her thereof. 

Either good or bad she had to make use of Mrs. 
Lewis’ books; she really didn’t care to alone. It 
seemed to her as if one hundred things were between 
her and Mackwell. All it meant for her was to live 
all alone. One year has passed since Frank died. 

The pain for the lost one was still there, but he 
was no more one of the living. But what benefit 
can a living person have without some one to share 
his enjoyment 

Alma found the wants of her thoughts always 
more painful and filled with all sorts of respect and 
reserve she did not know just what to do. In the 
deep night, when everything was quiet in deep slum- 
ber, Alma cried and sobbed in her pillow and thought 
that the longng after Frank and his love would tear 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


51 


her heart to pieces. She did not know that it was 
likewise youth that cried after youth. 

W^ith the beginning of spring the demand of the 
farm brought between the two much nearness; but 
this year’s time picked even again the old man’s dif- 
ference in a new way. 

“Don’t you wish to go to the sea. Father The 
evening is so pleasant, and the nightingales sing.” 

Mackwell laughed good naturedly, “Good moon, 
you are so quiet,” he sang with his broken tenor 
voice. “No, child, moonshine sonatas are nothing 
for us. That only gives us rheumatism. I am also 
tired. But you can go if you wish, and you 
are also young,” he said while sitting on the sofa 
corner. 

Meanwhile Alma hurried alone to the sea; the 
evening glow faded, the tree sparrows ran around in 
the reed, and the evening shadow spread its fine veil 
around the seapoint. Under the big bir<;h tree stood 
Frank’s little board hut. Alma sat by it often a 
year before. Her heart was full of life’s weariness 
and death’s longing. 

At that time the melancholy poetry of this sooth- 
ing spot had caused her unrest ; to-day one odd long- 
ing is awaking her. “Forward to the people.” 
Frightened, the quietness lay on her heart. She 
thought of Mrs. Lewis and her friends. How many 
smart things and interested things were spoken 
there. She wasn’t in the condition to study things 


52 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


over at that time but now when it is too late every- 
thing came to her mind. Oh, only to hear once 
more of life, let it be laughing, let it be suffering. 
But also so — so lonesome — she was frightened her- 
self. Did it really come so far.^’ Was that her 
thanks for his goodness, for his attachment? When 
it was really clear for her for the first time that she 
had spoiled her life, that she must go to ruin when 
she thought about the frightful error of her wed- 
ding. She could not decide at that moment, but 
every worry had vanished. A following fright, the 
fright of the lifelong waiting rose up in her often, 
up to the throat. 

Day and night a pierced longing worried her for 
freedom and self despoil. Oh to live alone in a gar- 
ret and be mistress of her own work — what she had 
to do. Above all the storms that quaked Alma 
Mackwell stayed successful unsuspected. He did 
not think that she would ever miss something in her 
life. She had told him once that she had retired 
from life and the world. Here outside, while the 
quiet and friendly company with one another alone 
made him feel happy. 

At this time Lester Mackwell wrote his father a 
letter that he was coming home sooner than he had 
expected. This made him happy when he thought 
of seeing one of his children. Oh the happy return 
of his son, it just seemed like a God-gift to him. 
Never before had Alma looked at him so excitedly 
as now. 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


53 


“What room will we let Lester use when he comes, 
my child?” asked Mackwell looking at Alma smiling. 
“He and Frank always had the one room together, 
when Frank was alive.” 

But Alma protested against this proposal to open 
Frank’s room for some one else. No, she would not 
have her lover’s room disturbed, she did not care if 
it was his twin brother. 

“The paperhanger can come to-morrow and put 
Lottie’s room in order; it has never been touched 
since Lottie left, and Lester can use her room then. 
I do not like to have Frank’s room opened,” said 
Alma. 

Little had she thought of her husband’s oldest 
son. He was just the same as the other Mack- 
wells who were not very fond of writing, and in the 
last year Mackwell had heard very little from Les- 
ter. He always had a different excuse and there- 
fore he got out of writing. But Alma never lost 
the suspicion that it was about his father’s second 
marriage in spite of all assurance of the old man 
as to what he was to inherit. So Alma saw his home- 
coming with unrest. Yes, it wasn’t easy for her, 
either for him. 

He will step in the house, a thirty-year-old man 
and find a step-mother who was to be his sister-in- 
law, that certainly was a strange situation. 

A fright ran through her mind, whether or not 
she would be able to meet this young man, and 
speak in the right tone to him. Her manner was 


54 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


always somewhat strange and, therefore, caused her 
much trouble. 

With her heart beating she saw the mail-carrier 
come driving on the road; she was anxious to see 
if he had a letter for them in his mail-bag, as it 
would tell the definite answer whether Lester was 
coming or not. 

Through the harvest fog a wagon came riding 
to Elorenceville from the station; the coachman 
wore a silk hat and was dressed well otherwise, look- 
ing irresolute and ill-humored from the carriage that 
seemed long itself through endless curves and over 
unplowed ground and pastures, between queer cut 
sod, and deepened tracks. Suddenly he turned him- 
self around saying, ‘‘I have never been in this corner 
before; it just looks to me as if it were the end of 
the world. Are you sure that we are going the right 
direction The coachman sat up straight, and 
with sharp hawk-eyes in the white mist he spied here 
and there thick crippled meadows ; they were visible 
just as gray shadows. 

“Everything is in order. You can stop here, and 
I will walk the rest of the way,” said Lester in a 
fresh pleasant voice. 

By the light of the wagon lantern he paid the 
coachman, and then went quickly and sure of his own 
way, as a bold person in the darkness. With little 
trouble he found the backdoor of his father’s gar- 
den; from there he saw the lighted kitchen windows 
and then he was sure that he was on the right road. 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


55 


The cross divided door directly behind stood half 
open, leading into the house. The stranger put his 
suitcase down and neared cautiously in order to see 
better. 

In the corner of the kitchen some one stood bend- 
ing down, picking out the small potatoes, while Sam 
stood up waiting for his supper; he hid the third 
person with his broad shoulders, who was stirring 
something in a kettle which stood on the stove. 

“As I say,” said Sam, “Old Dan Winters is very 
ill. They gave him medicine tablets and also sacra- 
ment, but nothing seems to help him.” 

“The people would have done better if they had 
sent for Dr. Watson,” said a sympathetic soft 
voice. 

“Yes, Mrs. Mackwell, don’t say that they are all 
spiritual works.” A soft laugh was heard just 
as a soft warbling of a tired bird. 

Simultaneously Sam stepped a little to one side 
and the son saw the speaker. The black dress and 
the big white shoulder apron that she wore made 
her look good. “That must be she,” thought Les- 
ter. “My, but don’t she look good.?” 

Now with a graceful move she took the soup pot 
from the stove. The flames fluttered bright and 
shone over the oval face with delusive bright red 
color. The whole white front side of the body ap- 
peared in sudden glare. Involuntarily the stranger 
stepped forward and stood alone in the compass 
of the light. 


56 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


Sam was the first one to see the stranger. ‘‘Hang 
it. Who stands there?” 

Gertrude straightened herself up and looked at 
the stranger. 

“A strange person at the back door at this time; 
it can’t be any one at this time, but a vaga- 
bond.” 

All of a sudden Sam called, “Mrs. Mackwell, who 
ever thought of it? It is our Lester.” 

“It is too bad that I frightened you all so,” said 
Lester smiling. “Have I the honor to speak to Mrs. 
Mackwell?” asked Lester. “It is my old boyhood 
habit to come through the back door ; I always did 
it in order not to frighten father.” 

“Yes, that is true,” said Sam himself in happy 
greeting. “Many a time we have been misled. Cap- 
tain Mackwell.” 

It really was good that Sam spoke because Alma 
found no word to utter; she was speechless; she 
walked to the cupboard and leaned back against it. 
Her gray eyes stared from the pale face, but Les- 
ter never saw it before on a woman. “'What in the 
world is the matter with her?” he thought. Was 
this awkwardness or foolishness? 

She had a chill which ran through her back. He 
who came out of the dark from the garden, “Great 
God that surely is Frank, every move, almost per- 
fect resemblance only that the figure was a little 
stouter, and not so big.” The impression van- 
quished. Her white lips spoke the dear name. Here 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


57 


he extended his hand and his cool strange features 
were friendlier. 

“I should have thought myself that my looks 
would cause you pain, the great resemblance.” 

“Pardon, this is a cold reception after so long 
a parting,” said Alma with a tired voice. “Beg par- 
don.” She passed by him slowly and opened the 
door that led to the study. 

In the room a small lamp stood on the table burn- 
ing, by the light of which both boys once studied 
their lessons, and the old well-known household furni- 
ture, also the tobacco smell that to Lester Mack- 
well was inseparable from all country remembrance. 
He pulled off his overcoat and put it down on a 
chair ; then sat down on a chair that Alma gave him. 

“We did not expect you so soon,” said Alma in 
her excitement hardly knowing what to say. 

“I should have waited until next week,” said Cap- 
tain Mackwell, “but it just happened that the 
weather was real bad when we landed at the pier, 
so I came home for a short stay.” 

There, that was also the cadence in which Frank 
spoke before the sickness had made him warm. That 
really was too much; not to be stopped, the tears 
flowed down her cheeks. Surprised he looked be- 
fore himself. What should he do.?^ Where shall 
he go. All of a sudden he felt himself as a stranger 
in his father’s house, and it was all her fault. Wliat 
a soft natured child. 

Poor Frank had always talked about her enthusi- 


58 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


as tic expression but what judgment could he give 
of one that he loved? In his few letters to his father 
Lester could not say anything about Alma, all he 
could do was just think of her always with a strong 
dislike. 

For her way of acting, every explanation failed 
him. Yes, she hit his feeling exactly in his face. 
Would personal acquaintance change his judgment, 
or render her evident lack of self-restraint irritate 
him? At the same time she felt sorry for him, for 
he belonged to the men who never did like to see a 
woman cry. 

My heaven her whole body shivered from sobbing 
and not a sound was heard thereby. 

He sprang up involuntarily and walked up to the 
window and looked out into the darkness. Then a 
chair was pushed aside, and Alma walked up to 
him. 

“Pardon me,” she began. 

“Either she has a bad conscience or she must have 
loved Frank very much, but that my look convulses 
her so I really can’t understand it. But why in all 
the world did she trust herself with my old father?” 
thought he. “It seems to me as if I should ask to 
be excused,” he interrupted her. “I am innocent; 
I suppose the time will come when you will get used 
to my looks. Until then I beg you please carry it 
all with patience.” She held her hand out to him, 
and forced herself to look up at him. 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


59 


^‘It is all over with,” said she softly, ‘‘and it will 
never occur again.” 

“Hang it, she certainly has a pair of eyes. I 
will have to own up to that.” This thought ran 
through his mind. 

“Father is not home at the present time,” she 
began. It seemed queer to him that she did not say 
my husband, so he laughed. 

“Something serious in Whitefield.'^” Lester asked. 

“No, he just went to visit a sick person, I expect 
him at any minute.” 

“So, so. How is he getting along an3rway?” Les- 
ter asked. 

“I find him unchanged,” said Alma. 

“It seemed to me that way also, according to his 
letters.” 

Then both ceased talking. The air seemed to be 
filled with oppression. He was surprised himself 
that this meeting with his father’s second wife fell 
upon his nerves. He longed to ask after Frank 
from the last days of his brother’s life, but he did 
not care to hear the sobbing again. All of a sud- 
den the farm-door rattled, and steps were heard 
nearing the house. 

“That is father.” 

With inner sighing they called it simultaneously. 
With one big leap Lester was outside. Laughing, 
happy, but excited outcalls. Mage’s welcome howl- 
ing caused Alma confusion. She was almost fright- 


60 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


ened and she seemed as a stranger in her own home. 

A foreboding came upon her that the heaviest 
part of her heavier problem commenced with to-day. 

It was a long time before father and son entered 
the house again. In the veranda they were heard 
talking. Mr. Mackwell quiet and then Lester’s 
sharp and loud voice. “I beg you I leave it to you 
to judge.” “They both talked about me,” said 
Alma. Frightened and painful were her thoughts. 
Now both came in; it really was an uneven pair, 
Lester tall and his father short. They looked at 
one another, as the awakening from daydream. 

“Alma, my child, this is my son Lester. But I 
suppose you both know one another already,” be- 
gan Mackwell. “And here, my dear — the best re- 
membrance of our dear Frank. Oh that he can’t 
celebrate this meeting again with us.” He sighed 
deeply while the tears filled his eyes. From the ex- 
citement and happiness something deadened the mind 
at that moment, and it came right to conviction that 
if Frank had lived the situation would have been a 
different one. 

Alma stood real quiet; in her lay so much soft 
dignity and deep sadness. 

He stepped up to her and bowed over her hand. 

“Frank often wrote to me that you were his sun 
and life’s happiness,” said he. “You must tell me 
about him, but not to-day. I have caused you 
enough sadness for to-night.” 

She hung down her head; again for a few mo- 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


61 


merits she had to struggle for breath, then she said 
quietly: “Please come to supper. I suppose you 
are hungry, according to the long trip you made. 
I am sorry but have nothing but milk soup, butter 
and bread with sausage,” said Alma. 

It pleased him that she wasn’t like other women 
in excuses, or in details. If a person only knew — 
and so forth. 

“Oh, I thank you. I know your politeness and 
kindness. I know the historic Florenceville milk 
soup and I like it very well.” 

The whole evening was spent in talking on in- 
different things as happens so frequently between 
people that after being parted for so many years, 
have a great deal to tell about. 

Lester carried the conversation most of the time 
alone. That was also necessary. He knew his 
father’s quietness and he felt real sure how the pale 
young creature — yes, that the heaven only knows, 
she was his step-mother, still always fought with 
warring bias. “I am only eager to know how we 
will place ourselves after a time,” thought he. 

“Winning the household, through herself, but 
nevertheless, I do not know whether I should thank 
her, or should find fault that she had attached her- 
self to my old father in this way.” 

It was still a lonely feeling to return in the old 
home; the home where his brother was missing for- 
ever. But a person dared not think about that, 
especially to-day. 


62 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


“Would you show me Frank’s grave?” he asked 
Alma in the morning, the next day when Mackwell 
went to his confirmation class. 

Indeed Lester could have found the grave him- 
self, but he hardly knew why he had asked her. Per- 
haps it was the double feeling, mixed with disap- 
proval and sympathy. She was frightened — a shy- 
ness, to lead him there on his first visit. “Indeed, 
perhaps, you would like to go there alone,” she ut- 
tered. 

“No, not exactly alone. I find it self-evident that 
we both go together,” he said. Then finally Alma 
stepped forward without saying a word, through 
high wet grass, and wild rustling leaves, and then 
she stood by his side at the grave, without saying a 
word; Lester stood also with his forehead wrinkled, 
and his lips closed tight together. He had to un- 
dergo the whole bitterness of that very hour, which 
really could made him happy. The sight of the 
grave shook him violently. 

Alma saw him suffer but she did not cry; this 
was pleasing to Lester. He still did not know what 
to do ; whether to utter a word or just go back home. 
“She is tactful,” thought he. Suddenly he turned 
to go, while a heavy sigh raised his chest. His 
glance fell upon her face. Right here in broad day- 
light he himself saw how nice she could be, as Frank 
was, full of pleasant things, because Frank wrote to 
him that she was still full of love and life. 

He held his hand out to her. “You have suffered 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


63 


so much trouble in Florenceville,” said he kindly. 

“Yes,” she answered. But Lester did not have 
the heart to tell her some different things of better 
days to come that surely would comfort her. He 
did not know that this perhaps would make her 
happy. Mackwell could not understand how it ever 
happened that they knew each other already. 

After eating Alma had to go to the kitchen for 
a second, and while coming back she heard Mack- 
well talking earnestly to the young man. “But it 
is impossible for me to make her such an offer. I 
cannot tell her. Father, it is your matter,” Lester’s 
voice rang. 

“No, you must; you understand it better. I am 
an awkward old person. Please do me this one fa- 
vor, my boy.” Then when he noticed Alma he 
quickly left the room. Lester looked uncomfortable. 

“That is just the way father is; there he goes 
now and leaves me. I suppose you know that we 
were talking about you,” said Lester. 

She laughed weakly. “Pardon me, that is indeed 
conceivable.” 

“You must let me explain to you; you know 
father and his ways; he finds it remarkable that we 
still have stiff intercourse, as he calls it, therefore 
he wishes that we would change and be more talka- 
tive.” 

“It is true that we haven’t found anything much 
to talk about to this day, and this we must do. How 
is it.?” 


64 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


“Do you wish to do as he requires?” asked Lester 
friendly. “I beg you for Father’s sake.” 

She looked down on the floor; all of a sudden 
a thought passed through her mind. “Yes, he was 
right; something must be found to talk about.” 

“For me to be your son that would be nothing; 
it would seem queer for us both. But will you let 
me be just what I was when Frank lived.” He spoke 
a little different than Frank. The younger had a 
louder voice than the other. 

But Alma only saw the resemblance in his face, 
and his voice and, therefore, she always spoke about 
his impression. “Yes, if you wish it.” 

When she spoke the first it seemed to him as if 
it were right and natural and as with the strange 
stiffness everything strange and painful had van- 
ished from her. It did not seem so easy for him. 
It took a great while before he could shade off a 
strange feeling. 

The next day he saw Alma working around in 
the garret. He walked to the door and stood watch- 
ing her. His glance happened to see a big flat chest 
that stood against the wall. 

“IVhat have you hid there in the chest?” asked 
Lester. 

She was just moving several old boxes and a 
trunk into their places. “A picture,” she said in- 
differently. “A picture that Mrs. Lewis sent to me 
for a wedding present, but father did not like it. 
That is why it stands here.” 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


65 


“Then it surely must be a Madonna or a Ve- 
nus?” laughing he said, “am I allowed to see the 
Madonna ?” 

“Yes,” answered Alma, looking at Lester. He 
pushed the lid back and he happened to see a big 
fine copper plate engraved. “And this stands in 
the garret? Yes; are then all entire — ” 

“Pardon me,” she interrupted. “It is really too 
bad that it must stand here. Did you wish to 
hang it in your room?” she asked. 

“Yes, with great pleasure.” He quickly ran down 
the steps, got the hammer and several nails; a few 
minutes later the picture hung over the sofa in his 
room. He noticed it was a little too big for the wall, 
but otherwise it was famous. 

“I will present it to you for your home when you 
get married,” said Alma, smiling. 

“Many thousand thanks. That lies in the wide 
world yet hidden; I haven’t studied over that mat- 
ter yet. But as time passes by I suppose I will get 
married, because I don’t intend to stay single all my 
life. I can’t understand why a person wouldn’t find 
a picture like this pretty; I never thought that of 
father; was the picture too heathen for him?” 

“Yes, that is just what he meant, but that wasn’t 
the only reason why I didn’t unpack it; I, myself, 
felt that I could not stand to have it before my eyes 
dady.” 

Lester looked at Alma astonished. It awoke too 
much sympathy in him. “Florenceville is a death is- 


66 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


land for me.” She talked to him without excitement 
or bitterness. 

A person can always hide fate whenever it must be 
done. But it is much harder to carry it for some 
one else. The self-evidence in her tone seized him 
more. How the pity of life had hammered itself 
upon her, until she became the quiet and oppressed 
creature; the pretty dark eyes had to cry before 
she had learned this glance of soft despair. 

These questions kept him busy often. He studied 
deeply over them, how should he commence to in- 
vestigate her sorrow without making her shy through 
questions He commenced to speak to her about 
Frank; he had the right to ask about the last days 
of his brother’s life. And then he saw how sorrow- 
ful it was for her to grieve herself in this recollec- 
tion; oh, how her eyes shone through tears! How 
she must have loved the dead one! “Don’t you get 
excited.? Don’t I hurt your feeling with my ques- 
tions.?” he asked in a pitiful tone. 

“Oh, no ! When I talk about him and when I 
look at you it always seems to me just as if he were 
here with me again. It is rather strange, but still 
so pleasant. It makes me very happy,” she said 
with a genuine laugh, while she looked up at him. 

“Poor sister.” Actuated by sympathy he put his 
arms around her and she let her tired head sink 
down on his shoulder. He then bent over her and 
kissed her white forehead. 

Happily she uttered “Frank,” then raising up 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


67 


her eyes she looked up at him as a child. Then she 
quickly straightened herself and stroked herself over 
her forehead. “This is how a person makes a mis- 
take,” she said, sighing deeply. “The resemblance 
is even so big that I cannot help it.” 

He held her hand tight. “If I am supposed to 
be your brother, you must trust me then as your 
brother also,” he pleaded. “Please tell me how it 
ever happened that you married my father. I can’t 
really understand it, it worries me.” 

“Frank’s desire.” 

“What.?” he asked. 

“He pleaded me to stay in Florenceville. It was 
the last thing I could do to make him happy.” Les- 
ter wrinkled his forehead. He as a man understood 
it, and he also knew his brother’s jealousy and his 
hot temper better than she did. “Thereby he did 
a great wrong. No dying person dares to bind the 
living.” 

“No. No,” she cried out. “Upon the dear pic- 
ture the smallest shadow should not rest. That was 
why I stayed with father. Only I ought not to have 
married him, but that was my mistake; everytliing 
was so indifferent after Frank’s death.” 

“Such a person as father should not have made 
your indecision a useful plea.” 

“How can you say anything like that.? Nothing 
of the kind. It was only his love and kindness that 
wanted to protect me, and also to provide.” 

“Then he should at least have had some personal 


68 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


knowledge of the world,” said Lester, vexed. Even 
though he foresaw the iniquity of such demand, in 
the same moment. He forced his revolt back so 
hard it went. What good did it do to talk here.'^ 
All sort of plans shot through his mind. He wanted 
to persuade his father to leave Elorenceville and 
move to H — to the women who were his comrades ; 
that Alma would become acquainted with them then 
she would not be so lonesome. He thought he would 
try his best and talk to his father. Life could al- 
ways bring poor Alma something even when only 
from the second rank. “Do not give up hope, dear 
sister,” he said. 

She laughed at him just as if he were a small 
child. “Hope for what.?” Even if Alma did cry 
hard that all of her friends had died. The effect of 
the presence of a young, energetic and lively crea- 
ture to exercise in the house made it impossible to 
withdraw herself. 

A mighty breeze from the outside came to him 
in the old house. Thousand things that a person 
would never think of in the lonely minister’s home 
usually busy in the circle of talk. 

They raised Mackwell up from the dream situa- 
tion in which he had almost sunk, and opened the 
pain of the young woman almost to her world. Then 
finally Lester’s chest and trunk came and both un- 
packed them happily ; all the different things a trav- 
eler loves to bring with him, such as mussels, foreign 
ornaments and different photographs. All of these 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


69 


had to be looked at, and most of the things were 
set around in the house, and Alma helped to arrange 
them; she was very zealous; she talked and laughed 
just the same as in her earlier years. 

This was a surprise for Lester. The laughing 
was so good to see; it looked just like a small stray 
sunbeam that hushed around her soft lips. When 
he bought his presents he hardly thought of Alma, 
but whatever he gave her she accepted with pleas- 
ure, especially when he gave her a magnificent li- 
brary table cover which was made of leather. This 
was supposed to be for his sister. 

“I rob you of everything you have. What will 
your sister Lottie say when you go to her with empty 
hands 

‘‘Oh, it is all the same to her. Her husband pro- 
vides her sufficient. And I always can buy her a 
ring or something of that sort.” 

“It wouldn’t even be right,” she continued. 

“We will see first. Come with me.” He snatched 
up the immense leather cover laughing, and then went 
over to his mother’s room and spread it over the old- 
fashioned lounge. “Now that don’t fit at all. It 
would fit much better the magnificent brown table. 
Now lie down upon it so I can see how you make 
yourself comfortable.” 

Laughing she listened and made herself comfort- 
able. From the light yellow cover she raised her 
dark head. 

As he was fixing her she quickly jumped up. 


70 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


‘‘Where do you want to go, Alma?” said he. 
“Haven’t you any rest?” 

The minister’s wife had no spare time to lie upon 
the bear skin. 

Lester laughed, saying, “Perhaps you have time 
to lie upon lamb’s skin then. Ah what? Hide is 
hide. Why are you staring at me so?” Lester 
made a few steps through the room then walking up 
to the window, he stood looking out at the lonely 
farm. 

From the woodshed came the crackling sound from 
Sam’s saw. On the other side of the paling, the 
minister’s farm lay lonely in the harvest fog. If 
she was only so happy. My God what a happy 
home she would make for a man. I at least would 
not dare to part myself. They were together so 
much the whole day long. 

Before dinner, Lester didn’t have something to 
read or write at present, so he sat in his father’s 
study at least one long hour; his father talked to 
him for a short time, then all of a sudden he became 
quiet just the same as ever; and finally it was too 
lonesome for Lester; he walked silently out of the 
room and looked around for Alma. Naturally at 
this time of the day she was busy, but it didn’t mat- 
ter to him. He stood chattering to her between the 
hearth, or else he visited the barn with her, and made 
himself useful, thereby he had the opportunity to 
tease Sam. 

“It is a different life all together when our young 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


71 


master is here, isn’t it, Mrs. Mackwell,” said Sam, 
smiling. 

“Yes, truly the old coachman was right,” she 
thought. I alone and the old house and the en- 
tire life seemed changed to her. Light and warmth 
and interests had again entered the house. She 
could laugh and talk now again, yes even at her 
work, she could sing rag-time songs. 

Entirely unknown it came out from the happi- 
ness of her heart. Sam roved for Mrs. Mackwell, 
so much. He busied himself in his heavy thoughts 
very much with her, and when he saw her coming 
with Lester over the farm he followed the two hand- 
some figures with a deep profound glance. And 
what he had gathered in his head came out of his 
mouth one day by accident. Lester stood right by 
Sam’s side and he saw him cleaning the horse. 

“Darn it, I suppose you were too old; otherwise 
you would have married Alma before your father.” 

And as Lester did not answer Sam at once, Sam 
said, “Captain Mackwell, do you know what I have 
on my mind often?” 

“Well, old Sam, what is it?” 

“I had thought,” said Sam in a soft tone, “it is 
too bad that you did not come home a year ago; 
you would have known Mrs. Mackwell sooner. That 
would have been a much better match.” He looked 
at the young man. But he became frightened over 
the sudden change in Lester. He grew dark red in 
his face, and his eyes sparkled. 


72 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


“Be quiet,” he called out so loud that Sam became 
frightened and stepped backward a few steps. 

“Captain Mackwell,” he pleaded, “I didn’t mean 
no harm by the words I spoke, I only thought 
that — ” 

Lester studied deep — and then thought himself 
foolish to become excited so quick. “That is good, 
Sam ; I know it myself, but a person must not say 
a thing of this kind even in a joke, do you hear.^* 
Promise me that you will never say it again about 
any one, especially about my step-mother.” He em- 
phasized the word real sharp. “Never,” and then 
raised his hand. 

Sam did not understand why his master became 
so excited. Here the snow still waited, and the roads 
stayed hard and dry, so that Mackwell still could 
hold sermons. There were always three or four per- 
sons who attended church, but still it wasn’t neces- 
sary for the church to stand vacant perhaps for sev- 
eral weeks. He was glad and contented over it. 

The village women utilized the opportunity at 
once to come in the parsonage in order to solve a 
problem that was necessary at this time. Lester 
knew all the deliverers and utilized the opportunity 
to entertain himself with them. Alma amused her- 
self over how wise he was in all her family affairs, 
and how well he understood it; she disdained her 
weakness and heaviness. Frank did not know this. 

“He is blithe to the people,” said several of them. 
At this time stories were started in Florenceville, 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


73 


even if it didn’t give any evidence thereof, every- 
body was convinced unshakable from the truth, and 
gossip was busy in all spinning rooms, and, there- 
fore, new stories were always found. Mrs. Parker 
was the first one to tell a story and she commenced. 
“Mother Freeman died and holy sacrament was ad- 
ministered to her, but it was no wonder that this had 
to be done ; she stood in the truss of the bad.” 

Lester led two women in the room where Alma and 
the other sat, Alma proud and perplexed. 

“Have you ever heard of Mrs. Freeman.^” said 
Lester Mackwell. Mrs. Parker shook her head after 
old custom with her three-cornered cap on her head. 

“That is what you always say. Captain Mackwell, 
I never thought such a thing, but now that she is 
dead — that is indeed good because she would have 
the devil in her house.” 

“Well. Well,” said Captain Mackwell. 

“Mr. Parker was always good to me; he is dead 
now and we all regret it ; poor thing when he used to 
go on long trips he always filled his trunks with 
bolts of linen, fancy dresses, jackets and other fancy 
things on his return home.” Mrs. Parker slid 
around on her chair so that she could look at Les- 
ter’s tired face. “And how it ever happened I 
really don’t know ; the little devil broke up everything 
she had.” 

“Wliere did she have the little devil hid.?^” asked 
Lester. 

“I don’t know. Captain Mackwell; he ran around 


74. 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


during the day, and then made himself so little, 
so little that he was hardly visible, and then during 
the night he would sing songs.” 

“What.?^ Sing songs? What songs did he sing, 
anyway?” 

“That I could not tell you because they weren’t 
familiar to me.” 

Lester propped his elbow upon the table and put 
his hand to his mouth for a second, then asking 
again, “Now, Mrs. Parker, tell me where you got 
all these foolish things from.” 

“From everyday life. Captain Mackwell,” an- 
swered the old woman. “Such a devil I would be 
afraid of him, he comes here all the way, runs into 
the chimney, then runs out again.” She was silent 
for a while then took a big swallow of coffee. 

“And where is the little devil now?” 

“Yes, Captain Mackwell, that is just it; no per- 
son in Florenceville would want him.” Lester 
laughed out loud. He tried his utmost to be quiet 
but it was impossible. 

“Who saw him then, where you said?” asked Les- 
ter. 

“Oh he sang many a song in church, but no per- 
son would be allowed to go into the church ; I passed 
by there one day and became frightened when I 
looked in and saw a big dragon who sat in front on 
the floor. My God, the old dragon sat and looked 
at me.” 

Now, Alma could listen to the foolish talk no 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


75 


longer; saying, ‘‘Dear Mrs. Parker, there are no 
such things. They are just old sayings of the 
heathen people in olden times. If we believe in God 
and Christ from the bottom of our heart we need 
not be afraid of such a dragon and of no little 
devil.” 

“Yes, yes, that may be true — but,” she twisted a 
little on her apron string, then got up and com- 
menced to talk; she bid Alma and Lester good-day 
and then left. 

“That is just the form; the unbelief of the super- 
natural world by people just as Mrs. Parker takes 
it,” said Lester, amused. 

“Unbelief is a part of her ways.” 

“It is really impossible to entirely understand her, 
sweet sister,” he uttered. The caressing softness of 
his tone pleased her as spring air. 

“Perhaps, but a person can not. It sounds a lit- 
tle too heathenish.” She pulled her workbasket 
nearer to her and took out a pair of socks; she put 
one over her hand and examined it carefully. 

He looked up, entirely amazed. “I hope that you 
aren’t patching and darning for me.” 

“Aren’t you satisfied.? Don’t I do it orderly.?” 
she asked rougishly. 

“Foolishness; but you shall not do it. I don’t 
want you to,” he said. “As if you haven’t enough 
work to do without that.” 

She laughed. “Do you want me to cry? Fool- 
ishness. No it makes me happy when I can do 


76 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


something for you. Do you know the little verse, 
which reads : 

“Who patches and darns 
Is often more happy, 

Than he who draws the spirit’s sword P’ 

He sat down alongside of her and watched her 
pick up another pair of socks out of her basket ; 
then she began to darn skillfully. 

“Isn’t there anything going on in town?” he asked 
suddenly. “No concert or anything of that sort so 
a person could amuse himself? I would like to drive 
to town to-night.” 

“I don’t know of anything, but I will glance at 
the paper and see; I know that you would like to 
go because it is too lonesome for you here.” 

“I don’t want to go. I really don’t care for 
any music, but you must have some enjoyment at 
least once in a while. You have nothing here but 
to cook, patch and fill father’s pipe. I really don’t 
understand how on earth you can stand it,” said 
Lester. 

Alma put her work aside. “It was hard for me 
for a long time,” said she. “I had such trouble, 
such loneliness and still I didn’t care for enjoy- 
ment. But now it is all past. I really don’t know 
how it happened; now I feel satisfied and happy. 
You know, attending concerts or something of that 
sort is no enjoyment for father any more.” 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


77 


“He can stay at home, but you are too young to 
stay home; something must be done for you for a 
little sport.” 

“You are a fine man,” she said, “trying to be a 
boss in your father’s home.” 

“He surely can’t demand that of you that you 
would sacrifice yourself and stay home with him 
day and night.” 

“You forget that I am his wife,” said Alma in 
a quiet tone. 

He quickly jumped up from the chair and left 
the room, and shut the door hard after him. 

At Christmas time a tree was burning again in 
the lonely minister’s home at Lester’s wish. Just as 
he had said, he did not see a tree for several years, 
and, therefore, he asked to help decorate the tree. 
He fastened the tinsel and fancy ornaments that 
Alma handed him, and he did good work for a man. 

It was a very happy evening, full of poetry and 
charm, and still Lester felt a slight excitement in 
the bottom of his heart. “If it could have hap- 
pened that she was not as quiet as she is, who knows 
if I could have worked here with her in this way?” 
he thought to himself. 

Alma was afraid of this Christmas evening. The 
last time when the candles were burning some one 
lay on the sofa and with life’s hungry eyes he looked 
and a silent voice whispered soft, loving words to 
her. “Will the remembrance thereof be too power- 
ful?” She knew that another one suffered in her 


78 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


place. Mackwell was indeed well disposed, and he 
spoke orderly. He felt himself extraordinarily 
comfortable. Indeed his thoughts were of the grave 
that was behind the church, but the sadness for the 
young son hadn’t the power to ruin the happiness 
for his older son. When the people left Mackwell 
put his hand around Alma contented. 

‘‘You have done well to-day, my child. The 
ginger bread was fine and the punch.” He took his 
long pipe from his mouth and kissed Alma. The 
sunburned face of his son distorted itself nervously. 

“This really didn’t have to happen in the eyes of 
grovTi up children,” thought he, vexed. 

Now Alma came to him; her cheeks were red and 
radiant. “But Lester, you spendthrift. Why did 
you give me this expensive brooch It is too pretty 
for me. When shall I wear it really.^” 

“Always,” came the answer back, “and think 
of me when I go on sea again. It is nothing but 
selfishness in me. I wouldn’t want to be forgot- 
ten.” 

She laughed brightly. “You needn’t be afraid of 
that; we will miss you very much — but don’t let us 
talk about parting to-night.” 

Just then Gertrude came in the room and called 
her. So Lester became interested in a map that 
Alma had cut out neatly in leather; he stroked over 
the small back and hollow of the pattern. “I sup- 
pose she did this work at night,” because he knew 
her daily work. And wonder what thoughts passed 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


79 


her mind. Were her thoughts of him just the same 
as his were of her.?^ 

His heart commenced to beat hard. The follow- 
ing day after church Mr. and Mrs. Godwin paid 
MackwelPs a visit in old-fashioned full dress, to in- 
vite them to dinner on the so-called third holiday. 
Before leaving they invited them to coffee but other- 
wise it wasn’t of any use to invite other guests, be- 
cause they lived too far away. 

An invitation; Mackwell was astonished, to sit in 
a room then lead a strange woman to table, and he 
didn’t know of anything to speak about. “You will 
have to excuse me, dear friends,” he said in a kindly 
tone. “When I have walked around to visit sick 
people two days, I feel tired and my limbs ache; I 
am also old, you all know that. But my son and my 
wife will come.” 

“When a person marries a young woman he must 
try and take her to places where there is amuse- 
ment,” said Mr. Goodwin, laughing. 

“Indeed I do that,” said Mackwell in his quiet 
manner. Alma did not have any desire to drive to 
Godwins, but she knew that the invitation could not 
be put off now. Lester listened to the talk with real 
mixed feeling. Something raged in him and warned 
him at the same time. On the way to Godwins he 
was very quiet ; then it seemed entirely strange to him 
because he was alone with Alma. It seemed as if 
every word had a single intimate meaning, as if the 
natural topic always became tight. He only talked 


80 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


to her when she attracted his attention about this or 
that thing. To her it was only the impression of 
the deep inner understanding that raged between 
them. Later when she was present by the side of 
Mrs. Godwin in the drawing-room Lester could 
hardly trust his eyes. Was that really Alma.?^ My, 
how pretty she looked, among the robust farm 
women. Inquisitively the women put their heads to- 
gether and whispering, asked, “Who is she ? Do any 
of you know her.?” 

Lester heard the words plainly, oh if he only could 
say she is mine, mine alone. Then he walked to the 
men’s room in which a sure blueish fume hung, and 
where they greeted him with annoyance but respect 
for his uniform. While he talked and answered 
questions with mechanical politeness he noticed Alma 
through the open double door. She sat there 
strange and quiet, just as a Camellia under the 
black head thought he scornfully. The women 
talked about the good and bad character of their 
domestic servants and governesses. The voices per- 
haps didn’t sound very loud and hard around her, 
but to Alma the voices seemed deep after what she 
was accustomed to. 

How rich and many-sided was the entertainment 
with Lester. Alma looked around after him invol- 
untarily and then laughed when he nodded his head 
to her. As something stirred up amongst the guests 
Alma made use of her opportunity willingly in order 
to part from her talkative neighbors. She walked 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


81 


to the writing desk and saw a slab hanging over the 
desk “Philadelphia,” the barge of her father leading 
through the seething waves. She became frightened. 
Oh how long yet, and every stormy night will cause 
her sorrow, whether or not also a dark seething sea 
was trying to grab her friend with greedy arms. 
A great pain arose in her, now with this happiness 
she has to pay for the last weeks. All of a sudden 
some one stepped by her side. 

“Lester.” 

He looked at her astonished; he never saw her 
dressed in white, but always in black. “You have 
done very well to-day,” he spoke half loud and half 
silent, pointing to her white dress. But Alma did 
not utter a word she looked down on the floor. 

“I don’t know what to do I feel so queer. En- 
tirely different. I would like to ask some one am 
I myself or not.?” 

Lester laughed saying, “Yes, you are; and I am 
very proud of you. Now I see you at last just the 
way Frank saw you often — the lucky one.” 

Alma nodded her head. “I wore this same dress 
when we were engaged. It was at a party at Cos- 
tello’s,” she said earnestly and quietly. Lester was 
astonished that the remembrance thereof did not 
cause her to cry; then Minister Owen and his wife 
joined them, who inquired after Mackwell and looked 
approvingly at Alma. 

She felt he wondered at seeing her in this dress, 
and indeed she was not mistaken. “Minister Owen 


82 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


married father and me.” Then turning to Lester she 
explained to him. Captain Mackwell bowed, speech- 
less, the thought raged, “Yes, he deserved to have 
his neck twisted for such a work.” Soon thereafter 
came the call “To table.” It was nothing but hap- 
piness from now on. No person in this vicinity ever 
thought to restrain his voice, at least Mr. and Mrs. 
Godwin. Lester’s deep bass voice and Alma’s some- 
what sharp one announced themselves victorious in 
the bustle and gave the remaining bass voices and 
sopranos time and pace along. While the guests 
shook hands together after the meal just as if a 
person had to wish happiness to a victorious run off 
charge. Dishes, silverware, tablecloth and table 
disappeared all of a sudden and the chairs were set 
by the wall. Then the town-clerk appeared in his 
Sunday frock with his harmonica. 

“What on earth does this mean.'^” asked Alma. 

Lester answered, “This is the fiddle; they will 
start to dance in a few minutes.” 

“Let us go home, because it is late now and father 
will be frightened.” 

Lester said, “Father will be frightened Do you 
think that I have waited so long and now I should 
drive home when the best part is coming.? I will 
dance with you some first.” 

“I beg you — I cannot dance; I forgot everything.” 

“Foolishness! You can and you must.” 

“Stop,” commenced the fiddler and then an old- 
fashioned polka was played. This went through the 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


83 


young people just like lightning, already the first 
couple turned. Wine vapor was smelled in all the 
rooms, and thereby the excited melodies rang. 

Lester put his arm around Alma saying, “May I 
ask you to dance .f*’’ 

Uncertainly she made the first few steps well with 
his leading, but soon she made the repeated practice 
just the same as in earlier years. When she danced 
the last time Frank held her in his arms; she knew 
it and thought now thereof, but still she had no pain. 
Quite the reverse, only a feeling of satisfaction. 
Then the face that bowed over her was the dear 
known. Involuntarily she raised her eyes and 
caught his glance. 

The blood rushed to his forehead. He mur- 
mured, “Dear sister.” But in the deep simple words 
lay deep tenderness. 

“Later on they will dance a quadrille ; we will both 
dance it together,” said he in a tone that empha- 
sized every word. The quadrille was to-day in 
favor, the wilderness granted family fathers this, 
they seemed stirred up by the melody of the old 
farmers’ dance. Many of them clapped their hands, 
others stamped their feet on the floor. Always 
wilder and wilder was the quadrille; always wilder 
the waltz step until at last the dancing was seen 
only through fluttering of dresses and inflamed faces. 

Alma was very glad when the dance was over. 
“Now let us go home, Lester,” she pleaded, “be- 
cause it is midnight.” A curious thought rushed 


84 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


through his mind. If she was only his wife! Now 
they had to leave when they were having a good 
time because she had a husband who was home. It 
seemed right, so exceeding natural, yes, but that was 
all just foolishness. As they drove out of the vil- 
lage the wind began to blow strong, heavy clouds 
drove in forms and then covered the moon over and 
over again. 

“He would like to be out shining instead of cov- 
ered,” said Alma, “but he can’t, because the clouds 
keep passing over him. Did something put you into 
a bad temper, Lester.?” she asked suddenly with her 
fine womanly instinct. 

“No,” he answered. “But still it was so incon- 
sistent and excited.” 

Sam’s wagon lantern did not do much good be- 
cause the wagon turned in this, then again in that 
deep wagon track and it was hard driving because 
they could not see. 

“Horrible roads,” cried Lester. “Out side with 
wealth something like this would never happen.” 
The wagon jarred so that Alma was thrown against 
Lester’s shoulder. He quickly grabbed hold of her 
with his hand. 

“Aren’t you frightened.?” 

“Oh, no,” answered Alma. 

“Lean against my shoulder then you will not feel 
the bumps.” From a distance a light glittered. It 
came from the bedroom of Minister Mackwell’s house. 
The way they had to drive had different curves and 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


85 


jags. How strange that none of them ever thought 
of pulling down the side curtains ; had they thought 
of it, it wouldn’t have been half so cold. 

‘‘Just imagine to be on the open sea,” she mur- 
mured, “and as dark as it is to-night ; see over there 
the shore lights are visible.” 

“Why then the shore alone.?*” he asked. “Couldn’t 
it be something else beside the shore.?*” 

She realized indeed that he was altogether dif- 
ferent to-day, but still she did not understand the 
bitterness of his tone. 

She did not know that even the sight of this light 
had helped him ; yes the temptation to press her tight 
in his arms and whisper the words of wild tender- 
ness in her ear, those which were pressing with force 
on his lips. Now the clouds parted and a bright 
star was visible. 

“See here, the bright and beautiful star,” she 
called out, “the dearest of all the stars.” 

He answered her in a soft tone and thought again 
to himself, if she were only his. Yes, his alone then 
he would not have to bear the heavy burden. 

What he felt in himself appeared only for the 
eyes of the Almighty. Now he was entirely helpless ; 
nothing more helped now, not even the heartless 
shivering. To-day’s evening had pulled and torn 
everything in him as with a hook. He loved his 
father’s wife and he could not help it, but there was 
no use talking, she was his father’s. Was there 
something more foolish or natural than this.?* If 


86 


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any one had told him several weeks ago that he 
would fall in love with his father’s wife he would not 
have believed it. But he sees it to-day himself ; she 
was the one women that he himself desired to have. 

As the ground had thawed out, Lester said, “I 
suppose I will try and fulfill Lottie’s wishes.” In 
the rustling of the storm Alma did not hear how 
rude and pressed his voice rang. “She wrote to me 
several times that I must spend part of my vacation 
with her, and she is waiting every day to see me.” 

It seemed to Alma as if her limbs became ice cold 
suddenly and heavy, her tongue also suffered for a 
few moments. “You want to go away.?^” she uttered 
at last. 

“I am afraid I must.” 

“You dare not go away, Lester, Lottie has so 
many friends, and lives so happy. But I.? What 
on earth shall I do without you in the dark and 
long days.^ Oh, Lester.” 

The frightened pleading tone went through his 
nerves. He jumped up suddenly and opened the 
wagon door. “Hold the horses, Sam, I will open 
the gate.” 

“That is open. Captain Mackwell, just stay in 
the wagon.” 

“Well, all right, it is all the same to me,” said 
Lester, “go ahead then.” Sam drove the team in 
the yard and stopped the horses. Lester jumped 
out quickly and then helped Alma to get out. He 
unlocked the door in the deep quiet and the key 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


87 


seemed to squeak. After entering the room he 
looked for the lamp that stood on the table ready 
fixed for them; he struck a match and then lit the 
lamp. In the shine 6f the pitiful little flames which 
threw big reflections of the two figures upon the gray 
wall Alma looked pale and disturbed. ♦ 

‘‘At least it has made something clear to me; I 
never knew it until this day.” 

“I do not understand you,” said Alma. 

“Now good-night, dear sister.” 

Alma shivered from cold and weariness, “Good- 
night and sleep well,” she said softly. 

He held the hall door open for her, because she 
had on her heavy cloak and could not open it very 
well ; she disappeared in her room and shut the door 
while Lester stood looking. He sighed deeply and 
went to his room. 

The next morning broke gray and troubled. 
Gray and discouraged were the voices of the house- 
hold when they all gathered to breakfast. 

Mackwell suffered terrible pain during the night 
and not a soul to take care of him. By his good 
condition bodily pain was quite unusual and like 
all men he was in bad humor. For the first time he 
talked sharp and sullen with Alma, even if he did not 
mean it in earnest. “Such a drive is shocking. A 
person lies half of the night awake, listens, waits, 
and worries himself and can’t fall asleep. I hope 
you both have not more wrong still in mind.” 

Lester bit into his lips. The best and softest 


88 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


seemed only good enough for her, and here his father 
spoke to her as a schoolmaster. 

‘‘Father, you should not object to the only en- 
joyment that Alma has had during the time she was 
here; she did everything and did not see anything 
but trouble and sadness.” Lester spoke in a sharp 
tone to his father. 

“That isn’t all, my son; Sam told me that you 
both danced in town,” said Mackwell. “I do not like 
that at all. To think that a minister’s wife would 
do a thing of that sort.” 

“I did not know it was wrong, dear father.” 

“But Lester knew it.” 

Lester shoved his cup back and knocked on the 
table with his fingers. 

Alma bowed involuntarily and threw Lester a 
pleading look. 

“Just look at yourself, my boy, and see how you 
look,” said Mackwell, “all tired out.” 

Lester straightened himself up to his full height. 
He did not close his eyes all night but that was his 
private business. He felt enraged and unkind to- 
ward his father. Who indeed had caused the un- 
pardonable realization.? Lester now blamed himself 
and was helpless in yearning torture. 

Later on during the day when Alma was dusting 
the living-room, Lester followed her. “Does father 
have such moods often.?” he asked excitedly. 

“Never. Never. He is purity himself. When 
they are sick every man gets out of his mind a lit- 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


89 


tie. A person never takes it so tragically. But 
your wife will also find out,” said she as a joke. 

“If I loved her with all my soul, sweetheart,” he 
said. He stopped quickly. He threw himself down 
on the sofa; his glance followed Alma who was will- 
ingly dusting with a feather duster and also a cloth. 

“I have made up my mind,” he commenced, “to 
stay here. Lottie can wait until my next visit home 
again. I cannot leave you here alone.” A bright 
red color shot into his face. 

“Lester! Oh, really! That is more than I ever 
expected, how did it ever happen that you made up 
your mind to stay.^ Are you staying with pleas- 
ure.^ Or perhaps from sympathy.^” she questioned. 

“Perhaps just from sympathy with myself,” said 
he, laughing. “I cannot part from you yet for 
some time.” 

“Many, many thousand thanks. Now I have still 
a few more happy weeks before me.” 

Lester took hold of her hands which she stretched 
out to him, and pulled her close to himself. 

“And I know father will also be happy. It is so 
dear of you that you are going to stay here longer. 
We certainly are glad to have you.” 

Lester laughed so strangely. 

“You do not give me very much now either; do I 
really only get a hand, dear sister.?” he asked half 
aloud. 

She looked up at him innocently with glittering 
eyes and half-opened lips. Boundless pleading spoke 


90 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


from her lips. And before she could answer him he 
put his arms around her and found her lips. Her 
lips burned long and warm upon his lips for several 
minutes. No brother kisses his sister in such a man- 
ner. 

In wild fright her heart almost stopped beat- 
ing, so that she held her hand to her heart for a 
while. Startled over himself he let her go out of his 
arms. 

“Forgive me,” he murmured. “Why did you have 
to tempt me.^” He felt that his words made the situ- 
ation worse. Silent he sat and tore on his watch 
chain. Alma walked around in the room, moved the 
chairs in their places, she then walked to the table 
and pulled on the table cover until it lay crooked. 
Her hand shivered, her breath flew. Suddenly he 
could not stand the look on her face longer. He 
jumped up, but at his approach she switched to the 
door involuntarily. 

“Are you sore at me?” he whispered. What shall 
she answer him now? Oh, God, what? Both stood 
close to each other. One kiss was indeed nothing be- 
tween them both, what wrong could that be, touching 
their lips. Yea, just as a snake from the deceit in 
her sleep, she knew it — from now on by his look. 
Alma became pale as death. 

“Are you still sore at me?” he asked again. 

“No; that means — I believe not — . But let me 
alone now, please — please — I will — ” 

She murmured, confused, about her housework and 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


91 


then disappeared. They did not see each other un- 
til at the supper table. 

Mackwell made a joke at the supper table between 
them and through that he found his accustomed 
good spirits. 

“What have you been driving at, my boy, the 
whole morning long.?^” asked Mackwell friendly. 

Lester became frightened a little. 

“What do you mean.?* I have spent the day loaf- 
ing around.” 

The father took it for the truth and laughed. 
“That seems to be exhausting. You never looked 
better in your life than you did this morning. And 
you, Alma; you do not suit me either. That came 
from being out late at night. Well, you both better 
take a good rest after supper.” 

When Lester asked Alma to go out for a walk 
with him after supper as usual she hesitated. She 
became red in her face and tried in vain to raise her 
eyes up toward him. It happened to him likewise. 
Like two guilty ones they stood opposite each other. 

“And you are still sore at me. I see it plainly,” he 
said in an excited way. “I will give you my honor, 
Alma, that it will never occur again. I will feel 
awfully if you are afraid of me.” 

“I am not sore. I really haven’t time to-day. 
And I am still tired from yesterday,” she said while 
she forced herself to look at him. “Pardon me,” she 
said in a tone that could hardly be heard, he then 
turned away and disappeared. In deep thought he 


92 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


went his own way. Pain and sympathy took him 
away. Poor, poor Alma, what a strange thing, only 
the deep sorrow always grew. And this second sor- 
row will be a thousand times bitterer than the first, 
because he always remembered the heart going 
astray; it was an old truth, that often bitter sad- 
ness conceals itself deeper in the heart than that that 
lies buried in the cemetery. He could do nothing 
more for her. Therein lay a thorn for his strong 
nature. 

He was one of the men that could not do enough 
for the woman he loved; he would have brought the 
stars down from heaven for her because he loved her 
and still more. 

He saw her before him in the sleepy life of the 
lonely home that disregards all hearts ; nothing could 
be done but drag herself along from year to year 
through a weary existence. 

She was innocent and yet she was to be guilty. 
He could do nothing but free her from his presence 
before the misfortune still would be greater. 

When he returned home at sunset, he met Alma in 
the corridor. 

“Dearest.” The word slipped from his mouth, 
and before he realized he spoke it and still he came 
with a heroic resolution. “I would like to ask you 
one question.” 

“Well.” She stood and leaned against the wall 
shivering. 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


93 


“Wouldn’t it be better if I should go?” he said 
softly. 

“Yes, yes,” it seemed to whisper in her mind, but 
she looked at his eyes and she did not find the 
strength to hurt his feelings. 

“I don’t know,” she said in a very quiet tone. “It 
is up to you.” 

Lester took hold of her hand. “I can still stand 
the burden,” he murmured ; “when I won’t be able to 
stand it, I know that I must leave.” 

But also the best, the dearest will showed the 
heaviness itself. 

Bad days came full of heart throbbing, full of un- 
known freedom, in all corners and ends of the vil- 
lage. 

Days came in which a person tired himself out, and 
tried to observe the old sun shine, and saw over all 
dangerous opportunities. 

“She weakens me out,” thought Lester bitterly. 
It was really only the truth. She did not trust her- 
self to be with him alone any more. So she always 
found different excuses while the hours that other- 
wise he was allowed to pass with her to work in the 
kitchen or cellar. Oh, and still it pulled her so close 
to him she had to take her entire strength to help 
herself to bite her teeth together, in order not to 
leave her work, and run to him. 

Strange, painful feelings that were not guilty but 
sinful at the same time. It was nothing but merely 


94 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


love. But Lester could not help it, he never did see 
Alma, his twin brother’s sweetheart, and then his own 
old father’s wife; all he got was letters from brother 
and father telling about her, and now that he saw 
her, he yearned for her. 

And self-evident at present lies the force and dan- 
ger of this feeling. It wasn’t anything new that 
could be exterminated. It had already settled part 
of her way several years ago. If she already loved 
the living one while yet mourning for the dead one. 

Alma knelt beside her bed crying and saying, 
‘‘How shall I commence Oh, God, help me; what 
shall I do.?” 

Yes, where was there an issue from the horrible 
confusion. The longing after the dead one, the love 
for the living brother, were inseparable, yes, even the 
figures, both whom she loved. She could not soften 
Lester without the feeling that she grieved Frank; 
she could not think at that time of her bride-ship, 
with all her gracious hopes without herself in her 
spirit in Lester’s arms. How could she overcome the 
might that was pulling her to Lester.? 

Will not the hour come some day that she will be- 
come weak.? “If he still wishes to go,” thought she 
often in her bitter need, but then never to see him 
again — ^will it not seem to her just as if they were 
burying her Frank again? 

“Both of you are so quiet together, what does this 
mean? Have you quarreled?” Mackwell asked one 
day in innocence. 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


95 


Lester’s face became red while he said, ‘^Not ex- 
actly, father.” 

“Well, I hope not,” Mackwell joked good-natured. 
“Understand yourself and do something for the child ; 
she has enough heavy burdens to carry in her life, 
my son.” 

Several weeks later a letter arrived from Minister 
Owen; he wrote to Mackwell that they were talking 
over some church affairs and they wished him to 
come to Owen’s home. 

Alma did not think of anything until she helped 
Mackwell put on his cloak then all of a sudden a 
thought entered her mind, “What would this trip 
mean for her alone.?” 

“Can’t you take me with you, father.? I can be 
ready in ten minutes, the horses will stand quiet that 
long. Oh, please take me, please, father.” 

He studied for a few seconds; he would be very 
glad to take her with him, but not in a place where 
all ministers meet. 

“Alma, I cannot take you with me to-day, and 
another thing, what do you want with us old men.? 
You and Lester can entertain each other better. En- 
joy yourself with him, because he is going to leave 
us soon.” 

Alma became pale. “It is better to be alone with 
Lester.” Her whole soul shivered; yes, because she 
had to stay alone with him. 

When the wagon turned the corner a fright took 
hold of Alma. She could have called after Mack- 


96 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


well ; she could have run after him ; she could have 
begged him to take her with him. She could not stay 
here, this way alone without the pilot of her life’s 
little ship. Oh, such weak hands! And now to-day 
the dignity was justice. With heavy steps she 
dragged herself into her room, locked the door and 
threw herself upon her bed. Here she could stay 
till at least five o’clock, she could let the supper hour 
pass on, but then it meant to appear in the dining- 
room, to fill the coffee cup, to pass the pastry to 
him just as if nothing ever happened, and two crea- 
tures will sit opposite one another. 

When she unlocked the door to go downstairs it 
was dark already. Lester lit the lamp that stood 
on the dining-room table, then he stood by the win- 
dow and looked out in the darkness. 

“I kept you waiting so long, forgive me,” she said 
faintly. 

“Oh, that is the same to me,” said he, while he 
pushed the coffee pot nearer to her. When she sat 
down in reach of the lamp, the blaze fell upon her. 

“You don’t look very good to-night ; is there any- 
thing wrong 

She held her hand on her forehead. 

“Headache, then please don’t talk,” he said. He 
did not know how soft and tender his voice rang. 
No, she really did not have a headache, it was only 
the fright for her own weakness, that warble of the 
thoughts that this terrible feeling provoked. But 
Alma could not be quiet. “Father must be in C — 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


97 


by this time.” “Yes.” Then the talk ceased again. 

“Have you an idea how long he expects to stay?” 
he asked. 

“No, but I think just as long as his strength al- 
lows him to.” 

“Florenceville don’t require much strength^ and 
we Mackwells are a long lived family.” 

“Frank,” she called softly. 

“Frank never was very strong, and the exception 
proved the rule. Do you think of him very much?” 
asked he. 

Alma’s head sank down. What shall a person 
answer such a question? Yes seemed just as well as 
no, and no seemed just as well as yes. 

“I believe,” came the answer finally. “You both 
seem to me as one ; when I see you it seems to me as if 
I see Frank.” 

“So, so.” 

She looked at him and her thoughts entangled 
themselves as in a dream. 

Why did she sit opposite from him? Her place 
was next to him. 

She stroked herself over her eyes; this terrible 
resemblance will yet bring her sense. 

“Poor Frank, he must have suffered terribly,” said 
Lester. 

“I do not know ; the doctor hardly believed it him- 
self ; it also seemed to father and me that he did not 
suffer much pain.” 

Alma gathered the dishes from the table and car- 


98 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


ried them out in the kitchen, and then took up some 
work, an everyday shirt for Mackwell; she held her 
eyes stern so that Lester could watch her secret from 
behind the lamp. Oh, how he loved her, if only he 
could whisper it in her ear. But it was all too late, 
she belonged to some one else. Oh, the pain for the 
pleasure that they could receive through each other ! 

“I did not mean it that way. Now he is near the 
goal, that is also something nice.” 

“Y-es, worse things happen than to be buried; a 
spoiled life is worse than that.” 

She became frightened. “In every orchard, and 
on every tree there are some branches that must be 
right, while others cannot grow just as they wish 
to.” 

“Alma — please don’t cause me any more pain. I 
cannot listen to it any more,” he called out ; “you are 
too young,” he said after a short pause. 

“What is young.?” she asked. 

He laughed, but did not utter a word. 

“Then according to your question I could ask what 
is old.? When does old age commence.?” 

She looked down on the floor in front of herself. 

“Perhaps when the heart will be quiet, when not 
disturbed so much, and not found happiness, and 
when wishes cease.” 

“Are you that far already.?” he asked slowly. 

She softened at his glance. 

“I — don’t know sometime — I think — ” 

“What.?” 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


99 


She did not answer him. She traced the further 
danger of every word. He felt himself powerless; 
oh, he understood her ways so well ; she suffered for 
him and also through him and he could not touch one 
finger to help her out. He could only when his self 
possession let him; perhaps he would make her un- 
happier than she was. 

How could it also be other wise, when all thoughts 
revolved on one point only.? It also happened like- 
wise to Alma. The quietness pressed upon her like 
a ban which she still did not know how to break. 
Whenever Lester started to talk she always shrugged 
herself together thinking what is he going to say 
next.? A noise is heard now. 

“Is some one coming.?” Lester asked. The door 
rattled. “I know ; it is Gertrude, I allowed her to go 
to her sick aunt.” 

“Oh, that’s it.” 

It always seemed quieter and quieter in the house 
and also around the house. The cuckoo clock ticked 
loud and hard; time passes — passes — passes. Les- 
ter jumped up and commenced to pace the floor. A 
thought ran through his mind just like a sharp knife. 
“You are alone, yes, entirely alone.” 

When he now realized that the violent longing of 
his heart yielded, it rose to his head, he pulled out 
his handkerchief from his pocket ; the sweat stood on 
his forehead in big drops ; his phantasy became dan- 
gerous; he indeed felt that she loved him. 

Oh, if the time would only come that he could hold 


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BLINDED BY LOVE 


her in his arms and kiss from her lips the sweet 
painful confession that they then had to part for 
all time, yes, for all time. 

But dare not a person snatch one hour of happi- 
ness, when remembrance comes back to him of his 
weary years past? and now he would have to part 
from her ; the clock ticks, the time passes — passes — 
passes. 

Why not make use of the hour that will never 
come again? who will know it? no one sees. Alma 
lay in her sofa corner very pale; she put her work 
away, and, frightened, she followed his motions. She 
knew what his intentions were; oh, she felt also the 
unutterable pain. It seemed to her as if she stood 
on a narrow dam, and nearer and nearer the flume 
hummed. If only the dam would tear and the up- 
right will of a man too would break down. 

“Lester, what have you there?” She did not know 
her own voice, it rang so strange and shaking. He 
stood by the book shelf and then pulled out a small 
volume, then another, then put it back again. Upon 
her call he came to the table and she saw what he 
really had in his hand. “Wouldn’t you like to read 
a little to me?” she said. 

He threw himself speechless on a chair; yes, he 
wished to read to her then the terrible evening would 
pass. Finally he commenced to read. 

My heart is wasted with my woe. 

There is no rest for me below. 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


101 


When the ground is covered with snow 
And loud the north winds blow 
Alone I wander to and fro. 

I cry aloud, none hear my cries, 

Thou comest between me and the skies! 

I feel the tears of my blood arise 
Up from my heart into my eyes 
Within thy heart my arrow lies. 

He stopped and looked at her with flaming eyes. 

Beneath his look weakness and weariness crept 
through all of her veins; both arms dropped down 
on each side, but with a last straining she quickly 
collected herself and stood up and then looked at the 
clock. 

“Pardon me that I have disturbed you, I must go 
into the kitchen.” “Why.'^” “It is supper time.” 
“Are you hungry.?*” he asked. “No, but it must be 
done.” Then with unsteady steps just as a sleep 
walker she left the room and went into the kitchen; 
then in the kitchen she stood by the table cleaning 
dishes and jars with trembling hands. 

“Oh, God, what will happen.?*” The impression of 
this fighting was indeed dangerous as the desire it- 
self. She stayed in the kitchen just as long as pos- 
sible, but as the soup was already cooked at dinner 
time, all that was necessary was for it to be warmed 
up. Then when she had the table set, she had noth- 
ing more to do but go in the living-room to Lester. 
She stood in the door for a second with her hands 


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pressed upon her lips. After gasping she then called 
out : “Lester.” 

He sat at the table, his face buried in his hands ; 
he turned his head slowly, asking, “What is it.^” 

“Please come to supper.” 

He got up and walked to his place at the table 
without looking at her, his face pale and disturbed. 

Alma offered prayer. It rang almost like the cry 
of terror of a heart that pleads from the depth of 
temptation to the nearness of the beloved. But she 
was not at all conscious of her tone and expres- 
sion. With shivering hands she took hold of the 
soup-ladle. 

“Not so much please?” 

He ate without uttering a word, but Alma hardly 
ate a spoonful. He leaned himself back in his chair, 
his hand that lay flat on the table, pushed the knife 
rest mechanically and nervously to and fro. 

And around the house not a sound was heard, but 
the calmness of the winter-night, and this frightful 
stay at home. 

Suddenly she looked at him, and he understood her 
glance, with that she pleaded. “Do not use your 
might this way,” she pleaded, “for faithfulness and 
honor.” He jumped up, pushed his chair aside and 
left the room immediately. Alma dragged herself 
back into the dark living-room ; there she sank down 
upon the sofa and pressed her face upon her arms. 
She felt that her last strength was wasted. Lester 
stayed away long, endlessly long as it seemed to her. 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


103 


“What is he doing?” She began to get excited; 
listen, just now his door made a squeak and it rang 
through the quiet house, and now the well-known 
steps came down the stairs. He stood before 
the dining-room for a few seconds. Alma’s heart 
commenced to hammer hard, and she almost 
vanished. It seemed to her as if her hearing 
ceased, and yet every organ was awake. She 
heard every move of the one that stood by 
the door. But what does this mean? The steps 
went further over the floor, then through the ver- 
anda, and the door on the outside rattled very hard. 
The door seemed to say everything is done for now. 
As Alma came to his knowledge and realized what 
had happened she jumped up and went to the win- 
dow, and looked out. In the light that shone from 
the dining-room upon the farm, she recognized Les- 
ter. He carried a traveling grip in his hand ; now he 
was at the gate; he opened it and went out without 
looking around once. How he turned around the 
corner; the bare elderberry bush by him took away 
his glance. Involuntarily she stretched her arms 
forth; never before did he seem so dear to her, as 
now when he found strength to go, to be true to him- 
self and to her also ; now she realized and thought of 
the words that he spoke one day. “If he could stand 
the burden no longer he would leave.” 

Then she sank her head on her chest; the white 
face twisted itself painfully. “Now I will never see 
him again,” she murmured; she stepped a few more 


104 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


steps forward; it became dark before her eyes and 
she fell unconscious to the floor. 

This is just how Mackwell found her when he re- 
turned home early the next morning; he entered his 
son’s room to tell him that Alma was going to clean 
his room, he found a letter on the table which Lester 
wrote and it read as follows : 

“My Dear Father, 

Forgive me that I left your home without bid- 
ding you good-by. I had to go to Lottie next 
week, so I looked into the matter and made up 
my mind to leave at once, that was the best for 
us all. There are many things that come over 
a person in everyday life, therefore I knew that 
I could not face you without blushing so I had 
to go at once. Perhaps you will not quite un- 
derstand me, but don’t worry yourself with 
thoughts and suspicion, but if you have under- 
stood me I beg you from my whole heart, for- 
give me, and be assured that no one is guilty 
but myself. 

“Your Lester.” 

Mackwell’s hand sank down and the letter fell to 
the floor. What had happened then.? What does 
Lester mean.? It was impossible. His spirit was op- 
pressed with unbelief and helpless against the dawn- 
ing knowledge. Following the long custom, instinct, 
he hunted up Alma. Just the same as ever when he 


BLINDED BY LOV^E 


105 


became frightened or troubled, she would help him 
solve. 

She had forced herself to get up and sat by the 
window white as a sheet, her heart so full of fright- 
end grief just as much for the father as for the son. 

‘‘Dear Alma, please look at this letter. Do you 
understand it.^” 

She did not stretch forth her hand to take the 
letter, she only looked at him with a glance because 
she knew what was up. But her glance told him 
everything. He stood motionless for several seconds. 
Was it really true.^ 

She dragged herself to him, and put her arms 
around his neck. “Father ; dear father, please don’t 
be angry.” Mackwell shook his head sadly saying, 
“I ought to have known this beforehand, but how 
could I?” And then with a shattered voice he said, 
“How could I?” Really he belonged to the creatures 
that became old, without ever being young. The 
need and temptation of hearts he only knew from 
books that he read. 

“Don’t be angry,” she pleaded again ; and he saw 
her clean pleading, and it almost felt as that of a 
child, almost overcome in anguish of soul and self- 
confession here in his arms. How nice and natural 
everything would have been ; how happy he alone 
would have greeted them. But now he stood in her 
way to happiness. “Poor thing,” he said, “poor 
thing, it won’t help now ; we must carry the burden, 
you and I.” 


106 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


She cried loud and disconcerted. He stroked her 
hair, “just cry and when you are finished I hope 
you will feel better, my child; did you love him so 
much.^” 

“Yes ; I really don’t know how it happened, the re- 
semblance to Frank,” she sobbed. 

“That is just what I thought. Yes, but don’t 
hide anything from me any more,” he uttered. “Al- 
ways tell me how you feel and what you think.” 

“I will try and God will help me,” she sobbed. 

“You know that no one means as well by you as 
I,” he said. “Do you believe it. Did she really be- 
lieve it.^ With her quiet life she had the understand- 
ing that he might thank her. He pulled her to his 
side upon the sofa and he let her cry with her head 
on his chest until her tears dried up, but then he 
got the pain. 

“We both were so happy together,” said he sadly 
and quietly. She found nothing but the passionate 
wish to comfort him. 

“You have been very good to me,” she whis- 
pered. “I will be good again, and all will be well 
and good.” 

“So, not yet, my child, that is why he left, he will 
never come back to me again. My last son.” His 
words seemed to be on Alma’s mind day and night 
and therefore did not leave her any rest. Finally it 
drove her forcibly to the writing desk. Quick before 
it would be too late. It should happen just what a 
heart desires. 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


107 


“My Dear Brother, 

“It must not happen that you leave your old 
father without a parting word ; let this omission 
be no barrier between you both. There are 
things that a person must arrange at once, or 
they would entangle themselves always more. 

“Life is too short — so uncertain should it be 
father’s last remembrance of you, that his own 
son, a captain, would flee from his own home.? 
You dare not do this to him. And for his sake 
I beg you to come back. Even if your time is so 
short, do not let us part as two torn apart by 
the storm. Let us shake hands together once 
more as two friends when the evening and time 
comes to depart. My pleading is great, but I 
also have a great support, I trust you therefore, 
my brother.” 

The letter arrived at his Sister Lottie’s address, 
but the answer never came back. Mrs. Dawson 
wrote a letter at once that her brother visited them 
for a few hours, and that was all she saw of him. 
Mackwell did not mention Lester’s name but he 
grieved and worried himself without saying a word 
to Alma. “If I could only see him once more that I 
knew how he stands.” He often sighed while he sat 
in his study, but Alma knew what he suffered and the 
realization was that he did not say anything just to 
spare her. 

Alma brought a warm thankful touch in her; 


108 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


yes an entire new feeling for him that it made it pos- 
sible to command her own longing and her good 
humor. Whether in our sorrow, yet in our happi- 
ness we ourselves belong so long only. 

One day along in March, just when Mackwell re- 
turned from a little village, he saw a coach driying 
along the road. He paid little attention to it until 
the coach stopped and a man got out and started to 
walk to the house. He recognized his son, calling 
out, “My son, Lester.” 

“Father !” 

Alma had not noted it, being together daily, 
but the son saw it on the first glance, how pale the 
old face became, how bent the figure. It humbled 
him so deeply. The old man looked straight 
in his eyes. For several minutes man stood 
against man. Then the father conquered in him 
the over hand entirely and forever. He opened 
his arms just the same as before when little 
Lester had done wrong. “That is all right, my 
son, don’t think about me. You were temptation’s 
master. That is enough for men,” he murmured. 
But he could not yet crush a reproach. “You have 
caused the child much pain. Couldn’t you spare the 
heart’s sadness for her.^” Lester did not answer at 
once. Where in this world of error it gave the clear- 
sighted eye to realize in one moment, where passion 
would have barred the door. 

“You can believe me that I carry my punishment,” 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


109 


said he. Mackwell took hold of Lester’s arm with- 
out uttering a word; this way both walked toward 
the house. “I just came to take,” Lester commenced 
after a short while. “I must go right after the 
horses get a little rest. Now do not be frightened, 
it is not as serious as you take it to be. I hope that 
I have not been so unsteady that I could not stay one 
day by you, but I pushed this trip away always 
longer, in order to be more quiet. Now the weather 
is fair so I must go back on sea. And to-morrow 
morning I leave to arrange things and get my crew 
again.” 

Mackwell sighed deeply. “A thing cannot be done 
against your going; I suppose it can’t be helped.” 

“Perhaps not. But isn’t this all right when I 
allow myself to be told that everything is all right 
between us all again Am I going to go with your 
blessing, father.?^” 

Mackwell stood still. “The Lord bless you and 
protect you,” he commenced then all of a sudden his 
voice ceased, and he could not bring the accustomed 
words to an end. It really wasn’t necessary. 

“Where is Alma Lester asked, when they entered 
the veranda, “I would like to see her again, but you 
must be with us, father.” 

Mackwell shook his head. “No, you can be alone. 
I trust you, my son.” 

“I thank you, father.” 

And then he stood opposite Alma. How she had 


110 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


tried to make herself to lie, but all was in vain, 
whatever she wished to say ; now all of a sudden it 
seemed to her as if everything was quiet around her 
heart, as if all fright and unrest fell away from her 
at his look, and nothing is left but the wish to help 
him away in tliis hour. He was real pale and earnest ; 
his voice ceased. “I came because it was your de- 
sire, when I looked into the matter I saw that you 
were correct,” he commenced. 

She looked at him with a quiet glance. “I thank 
you from my whole heart ; I could have never thought 
of you again; this would have stayed between us. 
Thank God that I dare think of you again,” she 
said. 

She gave him her hand and he pulled her close to 
him and kissed her. “I can now be happy again 
upon meeting with my brother. See, all of this have 
you given me back to-day,” she said. 

“You won,” he said softly, “but I still stand in the 
center of the fight.” Her laughing under tears tore 
his heart, but he felt that there was nothing more to 
say. Give me at least one of your pictures before 
we part,” he asked. “If only one of them that be- 
longed to Frank.” 

She hesitated. “I think I better not,” she said, 
“what we should be to one another can stay without 
such a remembrance.” He stood still. 

“When you bring me your little wife, some day, I 
will then have a new picture made for my new sis- 
ter,” she said, smiling. 


BLINDED BY LOVE 


111 


He shook his head. “That will never occur.” 
Here she held his hand tightly with both of hers, 
‘^still I hope, I hope my prayer will be answered for 
you every day,” said Alma softly. 


END. 


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